The Onion Daily Dispatch - February 17, 2012

Fri Feb 17, 2012 www.theonion.com

Knicks Doctors Continue Carefully Reinjuring Carmelo Anthony's Groin 02.17.12 NEW YORK—As the Jeremy Lin phenomenon continues to lift hopes and spirits among the Knicks faithful and basketball fans nationwide, team doctors are doing everything they can to maintain the unusually high level of morale by painstakingly and method... News in Brief » Nation Watches In Envy As 15-Year-Old Jots Notes In Margin Of 'To Kill A Mockingbird' American Voices » Jamie Oliver Unearths Joy Division Master Tapes "I hope he takes this opportunity to start an amazing Joy Division–themed restaurant." opinion » So, How Was Afghanistan? by Debbie Creffler Welcome back! Wow, I almost didn't recognize you. How long has it been? It seems like forever since you left for Afghanistan. Radio News » Deadbeat Dads March On Las Vegas

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 Your health continues to decline as your skin becomes too sensitive to endure sunlight and your soul remains too sensitive to endure dark, smoky bars. Most Popular » Knicks Doctors Continue Carefully Reinjuring Carmelo Anthony's Groin Moviegoers Not Interested In Hearing What Is, Isn't Possible, Demand Heath Ledger 'Dark Knight Rises' Appearance New Breeding Program Aimed At Keeping Moderate Republicans From Going Extinct Man Pretty Sure He Slept Knicks Trade Jeremy Lin For Selfish Asshole Who Plays Knicks-Style Basketball Nation Refuses To Read Headline Beyond Words '4-Year-Old Girl Forced To'

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