The Onion Daily Dispatch - January 16, 2012

Mon Jan 16, 2012 www.theonion.com

Arby's Now Charging $2.99 To Let Customers Go Behind Counter, Grab Handfuls Of Roast Beef 01.16.12 ATLANTA—During a press event at Arby's headquarters last week, the company officially launched its new $2.99 Grab-N-Go Meal Deal, which allows patrons to go behind the counter at any franchise location and grab as much roast beef as they can with th... News in Brief » Philip Morris Introduces New Marlboro Sinus PM Cigarettes American Voices » Court Overturns Oklahoma Sharia Law Ban “What do you mean the judges found it discriminatory? Wasn’t that the whole point?” opinion » I Thought We'd Have Flying Slaves By Now by George Washington When I pictured the future back in the 18th century, I have to admit this isn't quite what I had in mind. Radio News » 98 Percent Of Americans Are Afraid Of 98 Percent Of Americans

featured section: » Letters To The Editor » Dear The Onion, We need a copy of your Pearl Harbor front page to spin around quickly in a newsreel we're working on. I trust you will supply. — Robert Stanton, U.S. War Propaganda Department, Washington, D.C. Most Popular » Arby's Now Charging $2.99 To Let Customers Go Behind Counter, Grab Handfuls Of Roast Beef Philip Morris Introduces New Marlboro Sinus PM Cigarettes 98 Percent Of Americans Are Afraid Of 98 Percent Of Americans AFC Divisional Playoffs, Broncos at Patriots Study Finds Hearing Loved One's Voice Induces Excruciating Pain In Coma Patients Obama Openly Asks Nation Why On Earth He Would Want To Serve For Another Term

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