The Onion Daily Dispatch - January 13, 2012

Fri Jan 13, 2012 www.theonion.com

President Obama Wondering Why He Always Has To Initiate Phone Call With NCAA Champions 01.12.12 WASHINGTON—In the moments following Alabama's 21-0 victory in the BCS National Championship Monday, President Barack Obama asked several advisers why he always has to be the one to call the winning team’s coach. News in Brief » Obama Spends Wednesday Doing Some Urgings, Some Callings On American Voices » Court Overturns Oklahoma Sharia Law Ban “What do you mean the judges found it discriminatory? Wasn’t that the whole point?” opinion » I Thought We'd Have Flying Slaves By Now by George Washington When I pictured the future back in the 18th century, I have to admit this isn't quite what I had in mind. Radio News » Cryptozoologist Falls For It Again

featured section: » Letters To The Editor » Dear The Onion, Is this a bad time? I could write another letter later if that would work better? Okay then. — Barbara Adams, Lincoln, NE Most Popular » Jay-Z Fans Brace Themselves For Onslaught Of Horrible Odes To Baby Cryptozoologist Falls For It Again Scandalous Photos Reveal Grover Norquist Carried On Secret Affair With Taxes For Years Obama Openly Asks Nation Why On Earth He Would Want To Serve For Another Term Detroit Ending 24-Hour Police Station Access Hostess Files For Bankruptcy

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