The Onion Weekly Dispatch - Dec 7

Wed Dec 07, 2011 www.theonion.com

Secretary Of Agriculture Attends Diplomatic Meeting With Foreign Cabbage 12.07.11 LJUBLJANA, SLOVENIA—In the latest stop on his goodwill tour to improve U.S. relations with foreign produce, Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack attended a meeting Thursday with a fresh head of Slovenian cabbage. The high-level meeting, which included ... Report: Global Warming May Be Irreversible By 2006 News in Brief » 6-Year-Old Boy Thinks He Might Be Too Old To Be In Women's Locker Room In Major Gaffe, Obama Forgets To Dumb It Down Nation's Moms Demand Christmas List American Voices » Teen Sexting Not As Prevalent As Thought "Is it okay if I pretend that statistic doesn't exist? You see, I'm a producer for a nationally televised morning news show." Two New Elements To Be Named video » Year In Review: Renewable Energy Source Encoded In Charlie Sheen's Rants Earlier this year, scientists found that Charlie Sheen's incomprehensible rants were actually a secret code for a formula to produce renewable energy. opinion » Did Someone Say Bison? by Dave Carter, Executive Director, National Bison Association Hi, hello there, sorry. I apologize if I'm interrupting, but did someone over here just say bison? I swear I wasn't eavesdropping or anything, but I was just standing over there and I couldn't help but notice that somebody mentioned something about bison,... Radio News » Forty-Five-Year-Old Fails To Make Someone Very Happy Someday

featured section: » Letters To The Editor » Dear The Onion, So here’s the deal. I talk up how great your paper is for a few weeks and you agree to snip my indecent exposure arrest out of the police blotter. What do you say? — Greg O’Neil, Twin Falls, ID Most Popular » Least Corrupt Politician In Illinois History Sentenced To 14 Years In Prison 6-Year-Old Boy Thinks He Might Be Too Old To Be In Women's Locker Room Josh Hartnett Returns To Pearl Harbor For First Time Since Film In Major Gaffe, Obama Forgets To Dumb It Down Area Man Just Wants Regular Haircut Without All The Frou-Frou Teen Sexting Not As Prevalent As Thought

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