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Thursday, October 13, 2011

The Onion Daily Dispatch - October 13, 2011

The Onion

Actor Sometimes Feels Silly Pretending To Be Someone Else 10.13.11

MALIBU, CA—Calling the process of acting as though you are someone you are not a "pretty ridiculous thing to do," actor Ed Harris, 60, admitted to reporters Tuesday that he frequently feels silly pretending to be another person.

News in Brief »

Nation Waiting For Protesters To Clearly Articulate Demands Before Ignoring Them

American Voices »

Christie Endorses Romney

"It's statements like that which lead me to believe Christie's still open to a bid for the White House in 2012. Run, Christie, run!"

opinion »

I'm Moving This Miserable Periodical To The Yukon

Publisher Emeritus (photo circa 1911)

Disturbing reports have been reaching my bronze ear-horn over the past few weeks concerning the goings-on at the many Eastern sea-board offices of The Onion news-paper. Evidently, if accounts from my disgustingly subservient dogsbodies in management are to be believed, the constant rustle of news-print and scratch of fountain-pen nibs has been punctuated by the murmur of pleasant conversation and, in many cases, outright laughter among staffers.

Radio News »

Day Job Officially Becomes Job

featured section: »

Horoscope »

Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19

Your belief that everything happens for a reason may remain unshaken in the face of personal tragedy, but you'll certainly be upset when you find out the reason is "to get the Zodiac some chicks."

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