The Onion Daily Dispatch - June 13, 2011

Mon Jun 13, 2011 www.theonion.com

Disgusted Supreme Court Can't Believe It Has To Rule Having Sex With American Flag Protected Under First Amendment 06.13.11 WASHINGTON—U.S. Supreme Court justices expressed unqualified disgust Tuesday after ruling that fornication with the American flag is an act of free speech protected by the First Amendment. Writing that the 8-1 decision was "necessary, but it's ... News in Brief » Young Billionaire's Age Not Reported For Sake Of Nation's Ego American Voices » Gingrich Loses Top Advisers "Interesting. Maybe I'll vote for him now that he's under new management." opinion » I Just Want To Say That I Hated Every Moment Of That Piece-Of-Shit Show by Oprah Winfrey Wow, I guess that's it. It's hard to believe that after pouring my heart and soul into that show for 25 years, I'll never tape another episode, sit down with another guest, or connect with another fan again. Radio News » Paleontology Class Winces Whenever Fundamentalist Kid Raises Hand

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 You'll show the world just how good an infant car seat can be once you cast aside petty concerns like cost and safety. Most Popular » Man Just Going To Grab Guitar And Old Four-Track, Go Out To Cabin In Woods, Make Shittiest Album Anyone's Ever Heard Disgusted Supreme Court Can't Believe It Has To Rule Having Sex With American Flag Protected Under First Amendment Middle-Class Suburbanites Fail to See Irony in Their Lives Pakistani Intelligence Announces Its Full Cooperation With U.S. Forces During Upcoming Top Secret June 12 Drone Strike On Al-Qaeda At 5:23 A.M. Near Small Town Of Razmani In North Waziristan Young Billionaire's Age Not Reported For Sake Of Nation's Ego Nine Drawn and Quartered at Renaissance Fair

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