The Onion Daily Dispatch - August 31, 2012

Fri Aug 31, 2012 www.theonion.com

Best They Could Get Accepts Republican Nomination 08.30.12 TAMPA, FL—Addressing thousands of faithful GOP supporters at the Republican National Convention Thursday evening, the best they could get right now formally accepted the party’s nomination for the presidency of the United States. “It is ... News in Brief » 'A Cashier At Our Davenport Location Did What?' Disgusted Sbarro CEO Asks American Voices » Lohan Banned From Hotel For $46,000 Unpaid Bill “That’s why my wife and I always make sure to use our AAA discount whenever we spend a few months living at the Chateau Marmont.” opinion » Here Are All Of My Opinions  by John Caldwell By John Caldwell Radio News » Unicycling Bear's Agent Has Long List Of Demands

featured section: » Letters To The Editor » Dear The Onion, I found journalist Mark Summerfeld’s review of last Saturday’s fireworks show to be spot on. He was 100 percent right. They were very beautiful. — Carol Prushek Athens, GA Most Popular » Lohan Banned From Hotel For $46,000 Unpaid Bill Best They Could Get Accepts Republican Nomination 'A Cashier At Our Davenport Location Did What?' Disgusted Sbarro CEO Asks John McCain Just Blew His Brains Out During RNC Speech Teen Unaware He Locked In Heated Ongoing Competition With Parents' Friends' Son Valiant Fact-Checkers Once Again Save American Political System From Descending Into Corruption

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