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The Accidental Asshole: Pinpoint How You're Annoying People and Do Something About It

May 31st, 2012Top Story

The Accidental Asshole: Pinpoint How You're Annoying People and Do Something About It

By Thorin Klosowski

The Accidental Asshole: Pinpoint How You're Annoying People and Do Something About ItWe all have our pet peeves. But have you ever wondered about the annoying things you do that your friends, family, and strangers are too polite to tell you about? I do, and I decided to do something about it.

It's easy to talk about self improvement, but in reality we're not that adept at seeing our own faults. The problem is that most people aren't going to tell you when you're doing something wrong until it gets to a point where they don't want to hang around you anymore. I'm the type who's easily annoyed, so I assume most of my friends and family are as well. It's also no secret that humans as a race have a lot of pet peeves, whether it's at the office, on a mobile phone, or in a restaurant.

To find out how I may be annoying the people around me, I wanted to open up a dialogue where friends and strangers could give me a performance review to help me pinpoint when I'm being an asshole and actually do something about it. Here's how I did it, and how you can do the same.

Gather Critiques Anonymously from Friends, Family, and Strangers

The Accidental Asshole: Pinpoint How You're Annoying People and Do Something About ItTo start we'll collect in the form of an anonymous poll and coffee shop meetings before getting to a the hard part of actually making the changes.

For the bulk of my friends and associates I figured the best way to open up the dialogue was through an anonymous service. The easiest way to do this was through the previously mentioned webapp Failin.gs, a service that allows me to anonymously poll my friends and family online.

Failin.gs is simple to use. First you set up an account and link it to your Facebook or Twitter profile. Then you can set the privacy level in one of two ways: the default view, where everyone can see the feedback you receive, or private, where no one sees other people's comments. I chose private because I wanted people to feel comfortable knowing nobody except me could see their responses.

When your account is set up you'll get a direct link that you can share on Facebook, Twitter, or directly by email. Once my account was created I shared the link through Facebook and email and explained that I was looking to find how I accidentally upset people. To step things up a notch I also decided to make small cards to hand out to servers and bartenders over the weekend. The cards aren't a necessary step for most people, but I've always wanted to know what type of customer I am.

When the week is up you'll hopefully have a collection of critiques from people you're close to and some you don't know at all. I had 23 different responses ranging from the easy to remedy "You tipped well and were polite. But you muttered your order and didn't speak clearly," to the more complex, "Most of the time you're fine, but sometimes you split without saying goodbye or saying anything to anyone." The information you get is really helpful and we'll go through how to work through it below, but first we're going to collect another round of data.

Schedule a Coffee Break to Talk it Out

The Accidental Asshole: Pinpoint How You're Annoying People and Do Something About ItFor close friends, family, or your boss you might want to skip the anonymity and do it face to face. You can think of this in the exact same way as a performance review from work. I talked with two close friends, and I came up with a set of guidelines to keep the discussion productive:

  • Ask them to keep it actionable: The one way this whole process can go horribly wrong is if people attack you for things outside your control. Most good friends should know that when you're asking for some help you don't need to hear about how they're annoyed because your feet are too big, but make it clear from the start what you're looking for.
  • Ask them to offer solutions with the critique: In addition to keeping it actionable, ask for help finding a solution too. The whole point of figuring out where and how you're accidentally being a jerk to people is to make it so you can improve on those aspects.
  • Listen and don't talk: Finally, don't talk during this process. You're going to want to spend a lot of time explaining or defending yourself. Shut up and listen to what your friends tell you..

In both cases the critiques I received echoed the anonymous critiques from Failin.gs, but I also got a more a little more information to work on a plan of attack. If all went on both steps you're probably feeling a little crappy about yourself. This is a good thing. Now it's time to fix those silly problems. Photo by tom stovall.

Take the Critiques and Turn Them into Actionable Improvements

The point of all this is accumulate a rounded third-person perspective of who you are. Many of your asshole qualities will likely be critiques you've always known about yourself but you likely learned a few new quirks as well. The first step is to decide whether the feedback you received is worth your time and then throw it into a category. These categories might be something like habits, personality quirks, and direct asshole moves. Let's take a look at a few of mine.

Pick Out and Categorize the Critiques You Want to Tackle

The Accidental Asshole: Pinpoint How You're Annoying People and Do Something About ItOut of the 23 different comments, four of mine dealt directly with my inability to make and stick with social plans. These included critiques like, "It's hard to get you to do anything during the day on weekends," and "Sometimes you'll make plans and bail at the last minute." These are absolutely true in my case so I stored them in the direct asshole section.

Another repeated critique dealt with the fact I rarely show emotion and look grumpy most of the time. This one goes in the quirks section alongside a waiter's comment that I mumbled my orders.

I also had two people complain about a weird habit I didn't know about. Apparently when I'm bored I stroke my facial hair (when I have facial hair) like some type of maniacal crazy person. I'd prefer not to look crazy, so this one goes into the habits section.

Continue this through every critique you gathered. Take a good hard look at each suggestion and decide what really matters to you. You shouldn't care too much what people think of you so only take suggestions you want to work on.

Pick Your Improvements and Take Them On One at a Time

The Accidental Asshole: Pinpoint How You're Annoying People and Do Something About ItIn a lot of cases your accidental assholeness is remedied by the simple fact it was pointed out to you. My repeated cancellation of plans, for instance, is something I just need to mindful of moving forward. This, along with my grumpy demeanor need to sit in the back of my mind so I pay attention to them and correct them slowly over time.

It's also important to know what to ignore. Some of the critiques you receive will be wrong and others will be little things that aren't worth worrying about. For instance, one person mentioned that I always try and order first at restaurants. This is simply not true, especially when you look at another comment that says I'm often too polite and don't take the initiative when ordering food. The fact is sometimes a single situation will stand out for someone and while they're worth considering you don't have to beat yourself up over them.

Habits are a different beast. If you're doing something repeatedly that's annoying or bothering people you need to come up with an actual plan of attack. We've talked before about how to break bad habits, and you want to take the same approach here. The nice part is that since you went through this process your habits are already a public affair so the next step is to slowly taper of doing them. In my case, this just means slapping my hand away from my face when I twist my beard and trying to implement a new habit of actually socializing with people in daylight on the weekends.

In the end it's about being mindful of yourself when you're around other people. The type of critiques offered by your friends will help you not just stop accidentally being a jerk, but also help you improve yourself in ways you may have never thought of before. Being an asshole is one thing, but being an accidental asshole is never fun.


How about you, do you feel like you ever accidentally stir up people's pet peeves without even knowing it? Do you feel like you should correct for it? Photo by Dimitar Nikolov.

Title image remixed from Leremy (Shutterstock).

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The Beverly Hills Mansion With 10 Ferraris In The Driveway Is For Sale

May 31st, 2012Top Story

The Beverly Hills Mansion With 10 Ferraris In The Driveway Is For Sale

By Benjamin Preston

The Beverly Hills Mansion With 10 Ferraris In The Driveway Is For Sale Georges Marciano had everything. The cofounder of Guess? Jeans enjoyed all the things that come with the glamorous life of high-margin clothing sales: a huge Beverly Hills Mansion and a bunch of supercars lining the driveway.

But Marciano's massive, gated home with 10 or more Ferraris and other luxury vehicles usually parked on the driveway — it was once a popular stop for open-topped vans full of tourists peering at the kind of opulence they'll never know — has lain fallow for two years. The house, seized in forced bankruptcy proceedings is up for sale for a cool $24.5 million.

The palatial home was just icing on the cake, and the openly displayed array of red and yellow prancing stallions were the cherry on top. Before he lost everything in a ruinous lawsuit, Marciano had houses all over the world, a Boeing 737, substantial art and rare coin collections, even a $16 million 84-karat diamond he purchased for his daughter, Chloe.

Marciano was an icon of the American dream. Growing up poor in France, he had dropped out of school to work in the garment industry. When he and his three brothers came to the U.S. in 1981 to start their own clothing line, Georges was already well on his way to showing that he had designs that were different than anything anyone else had to offer. He was able to convince the fashion world that worn out jeans sold new was the next hot thing. Plus, his name was "Georges," for fuck's sake.

His Guess? acid-washed jeans rocked the industry in the 80s, turning an article of clothing that had once been the provence of workmen and prisoners into flamboyant artistic creations that looked like they'd been worn through a hurricane of bleach. The Marcianos made millions, and Georges — who received an award from the Los Angeles Museum of Art as California's designer of the year in 1987 — sold his share of the company for $220 million.

Think about it. He didn't have much when he'd arrived 12 years earlier, and in '93 he was sitting on nearly quarter of a billion dollars. And he was determined to make his fortune grow. Marciano shifted his interests to real estate, where he also did well. He sold the Beverly Hills Bank of America tower in 2005 for a staggering $135 million.

But every fairy tale has its ending. Marciano's 2004 divorce from an 18-year marriage and his prescription drug abuse are among those chicken-and-egg scenarios to which we'll never have an answer. The Los Angeles Times reported that along with his design and business genius, philanthropy, and charm came a mercurial temperament. He was known to fly off the handle at the smell of someone's food or a crinkled $100 bill. He also reportedly spent as much as $3,000 per week on pills.

Eventually, the poor guy lost it, and became paranoid that employees had robbed him of $1.4 million over the years. When he sued more than 50 former au pairs in 2005, the results weren't what he had expected. An investigation was unable to cover any evidence proving Marciano's theory, and the women turned around and countersued him. He lost big, with the judge awarding $425,000 in damages to the plaintiffs. It was enough to ruin even Marciano, who skipped town and opened up shop in Montreal.

The 20,000 square foot home he lost resides in one of Beverly Hills' more coveted neighborhoods. It was built in 1927 by Robert D. Farquhar, and has been home to a number of unrecognizable Hollywood bigshots since then. L.A.'s Real Estalker describes its ridiculous opulence thusly:

Listing information shows the fairly well monumental mansion measures a massive but not-quite-mega 19,590 square feet with 7 bedrooms and 9 bathrooms. The master bedroom alone has a paneled sitting room (with fireplace and high gloss ebonized wood floors), over-sized bedroom, private study and his and her bathrooms. Other interior spaces include an entrance hall with high-gloss black and white checkerboard marble floor, a double-height foyer wrapped with a star-style staircase, formal living and dining rooms, paneled library, billiard/game room, a room for playing cards, family room, two kitchens and-natch-a screening room.

But it doesn't come with the Ferraris. Where those ended up is anyone's Guess? Hanging out in Canada hasn't sheltered Marciano from losing more of his vast wealth to the authorities, this time the Canadian ones. They're waiting to see what California does with him before they decide what to do with the spoils of bankruptcy. (Hat tip to doug-g!)

Photo credit: Virtual Globetrotter

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One Year Later, Did Microsoft Keep Their E3 2011 Promises?

May 31st, 2012Top Story

One Year Later, Did Microsoft Keep Their E3 2011 Promises?

By Kate Cox

One Year Later, Did Microsoft Keep Their E3 2011 Promises? For the fourth year in a row, we're comparing E3 hype to gaming reality. On Tuesday, we looked at Sony. Yesterday, we investigated Nintendo. Today, we wrap up with a look at Microsoft's E3 2011 promises.

Last year, Microsoft may as well have called their press presentation the Kinect Hour. While the Xbox 360 itself is aging and rumors about its inevitable successor continue to circulate, Microsoft featured no new hardware announcements last year (and looks unlikely to do so this year either).

Instead, Microsoft sang the praises of the Kinect and all the ways in which its motion tracking and voice recognition capabilities work with both their games and with streaming media and other entertainment. So between motion sensing and a few big game announcements, how have the last twelve months of reality stacked up against Microsoft's promises?

Let's take a look.

Game Promises

The Game: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3
The Promise: Available November 8.
The Verdict: Promise kept. In rather spectacular, record-breaking fashion.

The Game: Dance Central 2
The Promise: All Dance Central songs can be imported into Dance Central 2, new features (simultaneous multiplayer dancing, voice control, a campaign mode) and more than 100 total songs available at launch.
The Verdict: Promises kept. Owners of the original game were indeed able to import their songs into the new game when it launched in October.

The Game: Fable: The Journey
The Promise: A new Fable game, featuring full Kinect support, due in 2012.
The Verdict: Pending. 2012 has six months left to go, and no more specific time-frame was given. The latest public update we've had were some screenshots in March.

The Game: EA Sports lineup
The Promise: "Four EA Sports titles will feature Kinect support in 2012." Tiger Woods PGA Tour, Madden, FIFA, and "one more that we'll announce later."
The Verdict: Mixed. The Kinect support is rolling in on the 2013 editions of the sports franchises, and didn't hit last fall's 2012 releases (which came out in 2011). Tiger Woods 13 had Kinect support, FIFA 13 is promised to but FIFA 12 didn't; Madden 13, like FIFA, promises Kinect support in Madden 13 but missed it in Madden 12. And that fourth game? We still don't know what it is.

The Game: Forza Motorsport 4
The Promise: Racing game to feature Kinect integration, all sorts of multiplayer features, monthly expansions, and a Top Gear tie-in. Release date October 11, 2011.
The Verdict: Promises kept. The game launched on October 11 and was well-received. They have indeed continued to add monthly DLC as promised.

The Game: Gears of War 3
The Promise: Very little was actually said on stage, as Cliff Bleszinski and Ice-T instead picked up controllers and played through a demo. Bleszinski reiterated that Gears is an Xbox exclusive, and Ice-T promised that he and his band were going to make a song about Horde mode.
The Verdict: Promise kept. There is indeed a song, and Gears of War 3 launched last September.

The Game: Ghost Recon: Future Soldier
The Promise: Kinect support for a weapon modification system called "Gunsmith," in which players use gesture and voice commands to create "over twenty million unique weapons."
The Verdict: Promise kept. The console version of Future Soldier was released last week, with the promised gunsmithery included for Xbox.

The Game: Halo: Combat Evolved Anniversary
The Promise: A fully HD remastered version of the original Halo, with its multiplayer functionality enhanced for modern Xbox Live, to be released on November 15, 2011.
The Verdict: Promises kept. The game launched in November with the promised features included, though not all features were well-received.

The Game: Halo 4
The Promise: Surprise! A new Halo trilogy is landing for the Xbox, beginning with Halo 4 in Holiday 2012.
The Verdict: Pending. Holiday 2012 is still five or six months off, but Microsoft did narrow the target down to November 6 and seems to be on track to hit it.

The Game: Kinect Disneyland Adventures
The Promise: An interactive, family-friendly romp through a faithfully re-created virtual Disneyland. Available holiday 2011.
The Verdict: Promises kept. The game released on November 15 and, to the surprise of many, didn't suck.

The Game: Kinect Sports Season Two
The Promise: Adding new gestures and new sports, including skiing and tennis; available "this holiday."
The Verdict: Promise kept. The game came out in October, with the promised sports added.

The Game: Kinect Star Wars
The Promise: You get to be a Jedi! Relive the adventures of six Star Wars films in a full-body, Kinect-dependent way. No release date given.
The Verdict: Promises kept. More or less. The game came out in April, but was terrible. It did give the world an excellent *.gif of Lando Calrissian's dancing, though.

The Game: Mass Effect 3
The Promise: Full Kinect voice support, in combat and in conversation.
The Verdict: Promise kept. The game, released in March, does indeed have the Kinect features included.

The Game: Minecraft
The Promise: To be released "this year" and "this winter," meaning late 2011, with Kinect support. For consoles, an Xbox exclusive.
The Verdict: Mixed. Minecraft did launch on Xbox Live with a number of console-specific features, but missed both Kinect support and 2011 entirely, landing instead only a few weeks ago, with Kinect updates yet to come.

The Game: Ryse
The Promise: A Kinect-focused combat-heavy game set in ancient Rome.
The Verdict: Completely unknown. There was no release date promised, so no promise can be officially broken, but the title has been virtually unheard of in the past year. Rumors circulated at the end of 2011 that Ryse was slipping to the next console generation, but more recently developer Crytek has insisted that the game is on track.

The Game: Sesame Street: Once Upon a Monster
The Promise: An interactive storybook adventure that young children (Sesame Street's pre-school audience) and their parents could play together, using Kinect motion tracking and voice recognition. Due fall 2011.
The Verdict: Promises kept. The game came out in October and was apparently as adorable as promised.

The Game: Tomb Raider
The Promise: Developer Crystal Dynamics showed a live demo of their Lara Croft origin story and announced a fall, 2012 launch.
The Promise: Mixed. The game is still in progress, so content promises are pending, but its release date was kicked to Q1 2013 (along with what feels like half of the holiday 2012 line-up) recently. We're expected to see more about it at this year's E3.


Xbox Feature Promises

The Feature: Bing for Xbox Live
The Promise: Xbox dashboard to add Bing search, supported by Kinect, so that you can tell your living room, "Xbox Bing [something]," and it'll give you all the games, movies, music, and so on it can find related to that topic.
The Verdict: Promise kept. The feature is there. Although in my experience, Bing isn't quite as good at picking up your voice as you might like it to be. ("Zombies" and "cupcakes" are not the same thing.)

The Feature: Content and Entertainment Partnerships
The Promise: Microsoft really, really wants your Xbox to be about the only thing you ever use your TV for. They promised to increase the number of partnerships for media delivery by a factor of ten, to add "live television," and to work with YouTube in the US, Canal+ in France, Foxtel in Australia, and Sky in the UK.
The Verdict: Promises kept. Streaming video through the Xbox has continued to increase through the past 12 months.

The Feature: Kinect support for the Xbox dashboard and Xbox Live
The Promise: Sit in a chair and talk to your television in order to start games, find features, and so on.
The Verdict: Promise kept. Though as with Bing, in practice the Kinect doesn't always like all voices equally.

The Feature: Kinect Fun Labs
The Promise: "Available today," Kinect Fun Labs is a playground for all manner of Kinect features that may or may not have any actual applications in games or apps as of yet, like finger-tracking or people-scanning.
The Verdict: Promise kept. Fun Labs was indeed added to Xbox Live on the day it was announced, and features like the facial scanning appear to be making their way into games now.

The Feature: UFC on Xbox Live
The Promise: Ultimate Fighting Championship pay-per-view matches streaming in HD, along with fight archives and online features like fighter statistics, match prediction, and so on. Due holiday 2011.
The Verdict: Promise kept. UFC on Xbox Live launched in December.


So on the whole, not a bad showing for Microsoft. But when you don't announce very much—and last year at E3, they didn't—it's not as hard to keep to your word. An absolutely huge percentage of Microsoft's stage time last year was spent on Kinect features, Kinect games, and Kinect upgrades for Xbox software or existing franchises. The Halo 4 announcement dropped in at the very end, after they thanked everyone for coming.

This year, we know we can look forward to a new Gears of War. What other big announcements are coming? We'll find out next week.

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