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Wednesday, June 27, 2012

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The Onion Weekly Dispatch - June 27, 2012

The Onion

New Commercials For Old Milwaukee Beer Feature Group Of Friends Contemplating Suicide 06.22.12

WOODRIDGE, IL—Old Milwaukee beer announced Friday the launch of a new series of commercials featuring a group of friends despondently contemplating suicide while drinking the alcoholic beverage and sitting in darkened apartments. According to compan...

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by 18th-Century France

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Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19

Some things only become funny when you look back on them years later. Conversely, the events of next week will seem funny at the time, but as the years go by, society will gain sensitivity and learn to outgrow that sort of thing.

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The Snarky Voice in Your Head Is Killing Your Productivity; Here’s How to Stop It

June 27th, 2012Top Story

The Snarky Voice in Your Head Is Killing Your Productivity; Here's How to Stop It

By Alan Henry

The Snarky Voice in Your Head Is Killing Your Productivity; Here̢۪s How to Stop ItThere's a jerk inside all of us: we roll our eyes when someone in line has a complicated order, curse at little old ladies who don't drive fast enough, and sneer at people who are just too happy. Over time, that snark kills our productivity and poisons our relationships. Here's how to keep your inner asshole in check.

There's a difference between being occasionally sarcastic and a little derisive in your head, but when negativity becomes your default reaction, you have a problem. You may have had a wake-up moment, much like Anna Holmes, founding editor of Jezebel, had when she realized she was sneering at someone for no reason other than that the person was happy. Here's what she said:

Click to view

How about a quick check. Do you:

  • Roll your eyes at every "hipster" who, by most accounts, is just a person trying (successfully or not) to dress fashionably?
  • Primarily complain about how horrible people/things are on Facebook/Twitter?
  • Get angrier every passing moment that you stand in line at the grocery store, or have to wait for your check to arrive at a restaurant?
  • Find you're constantly frustrated with coworkers who don't "get it?"
  • Comment angrily on blogs, videos, and other web sites (usually beginning with "ummm" and ending with "just saying?")
  • Feel like it's okay to be a complete jerk, as long as you're "witty" about it?

Sounding familiar? You may have a problem. We sat down with Roger S. Gil, marriage and family therapist, and clinical psychologist Dr. Jeffrey DeGroat, to determine when enough is too much, and what to do if you have a snark problem.

The Snarky Voice in Your Head Is Killing Your Productivity; Here̢۪s How to Stop It

How Your Cynicism Is Hurting You

It may seem harmless if it's all bottled up in your head and not hurting anyone else, but that snark is actually doing damage to you in insidious ways. For example, cynicism and snark:

The Snarky Voice in Your Head Is Killing Your Productivity; Here̢۪s How to Stop It

Why Is This a Problem?

To be fair, it's natural to be a bit of a jerk in your own head. Unfortunately, every day we see examples of snark and rudeness as the natural response to even the most innocuous irritants. Over time however, that snark erodes our relationships and makes it difficult for us to interact with others, but it also closes our minds to people who are different than we are, shuts us off from new ideas, and redirects energy better used improving our lives and doing our jobs towards being mean to others. Says Roger Gil,

Snark/sarcasm/contempt is always an indicator that something else is going on in a given situation. When it's appropriate, it tells people that you're not going to let others push you around. When it's inappropriate it shows that you feel the need to make yourself "bigger" than others. That need to put one's self above others can be a symptom of depression or some personality disorders (of course, there would have to be other symptoms present to justify a diagnosis). That being said, perpetually putting others down can be indicative of insecurity, narcissism, negative thought patterns, or jealousy. If those things are present, then you definitely want to address it because it's likely to affect your relationships negatively.

Dr. DeGroat agrees, and notes that almost always snarky, contemptuous behavior is the result of some other issue in our lives. Whether we're projecting our own unhappiness or other undesirable feelings onto someone else, or we're redirecting someone else's contempt that's directed at us off to someone else, the process quickly devolves into insensitivity, anger, and resentment. We start being rude for no reason, we begin to feel we're the only competent ones around us, distrust others, reject their ideas or any ideas contrary to our own, and we stress ourselves out over silly things. Sound familiar?

We all know what stress can do to you, but if the fact that snark is self-destrcutive isn't reason enough to tame your inner asshole, letting it take over your mind can destroy your relationships, too. And, Gil reiterates, when your snark starts to hurt other people or you catch yourself being surprised by how snarky you've become, it's time to do something about it. Photo by Alan Levine.

The Snarky Voice in Your Head Is Killing Your Productivity; Here̢۪s How to Stop It

How Can I Tell If I've Gone Overboard?

Figuring out whether you're just too snarky for your own good is actually pretty easy. Ask your friends—if they haven't already alienated you, good friends will be willing to call you on your crap. Sit down and really think about your natural reactions to others, then step back and think: If you saw this in someone else, would you think they were a nice person? Of course, it's different for you, right? That lady totally should have put on a different dress, right? Everyone thinks they have a reason to be judgemental, but the truth is we're all the hero of our own stories—just because you think you have a reason doesn't mean that reason is justified. Photo by zombieite.

Gil says, "Inappropriate sarcasm is unprovoked and inconsistent with the mood/spirit of an interaction. It can also be a form of bullying because it's a way of going on the offensive and putting people beneath you. If you find that your go-to response to an otherwise normal situation is eye rolling or smirking on one side of your mouth (both physical cues of contempt) or a thought that basically says "that person is an idiot", then you probably do have a problem." He also notes that looking back over your posts to Twitter and Facebook are a good way to tell what's really renting space in your brain. Since we use those services to vent—and they're a forum where others have to listen to us, they can often reveal a great deal about how we really think and feel. Look over your updates, comments, and replies as though you're reading someone else's stream. Would you think you're a nice person?

The Snarky Voice in Your Head Is Killing Your Productivity; Here̢۪s How to Stop It

Okay, I'm a Bit of a Jerk. What Do I Do About It?

Once the realization has dawned on you that you could probably be a little nicer, it's time to get your inner asshole in check. First of all, don't guilt yourself—you need to vent, and plenty of things in our everyday lives irritate us. The key is finding ways to deal with them or let them roll off of us without getting bent out of shape about them, or resorting to being snarky and mean just to make ourselves feel better. Here are a few suggestions:

  • Enlist the help of your friends. Assuming you still have them, ask them to call you out when you're being mean or unnecessarily snarky. That's the easy part: the hard part is making sure you don't get defensive when they do. Gil says, "Make a note of your thoughts and emotions when you're being told you're "too sarcastic". Are you getting defensive? Are you dismissing the person's complaints? Before you act, note your response to your friends." Photo by Wetsun.
  • Reward yourself for being nice. When you beat back the impulse to be rude or mean, even if it's in your own head, treat yourself. Gil suggests you carry an index card or use an app on your smartphone to make a note of when you felt the urge be mean and how you responded. Set a goal for yourself, even—after a given number of calm, normal responses, treat yourself to something nice, or something you enjoy doing.
  • Call a mental time out. If you're only an occasional asshole, or your inner jerk only rears its head when you're stressed out, Dr. DeGroat says a little time for reflection may do the trick for you. What else has happened to you recently? How have you been feeling? Maybe this snark is being triggered by something else in your life that needs to be addressed directly.
  • Give yourself an "opposing script" to follow when you're feeling snarky. The best way to break yourself of a bad habit, says Gil, is to correct it as soon as it happens. Use a prepared script if you have to. He says,

    Are you rolling your eyes at the young couple holding hands? Ask yourself why and tell yourself that being in the infatuation stage of romance is great regardless of the fact that you may have had bad experiences in the past. Do you feel disdain for people that laugh at those lame Madea movies despite their cookie-cutter nature? Remind yourself that not everyone has the same sense of humor as you and that your disdain is unwarranted.

  • Talk to a professional. Roger Gil and Dr. DeGroat both made no bones of the fact that if your snark and sarcasm are starting to alienate you from your friends and coworkers, you should talk to someone about it who can call you out on your behavior in a non-judgmental, healthy way. Your raging snark may be symptomatic of some other issue you're struggling with, and as much as we try, it's exceptionally difficult for a person to change unconscious feelings without help.

The Snarky Voice in Your Head Is Killing Your Productivity; Here̢۪s How to Stop It

Just Be Nice, Okay?

If you take one thing away from this, it's that snark is the mindkiller. Sarcasm is fun and great in small, appropriate doses, but unchecked it not only alienates the people close to you—whether you care about them or not—and destroys your relationships. In the end, you wind up becoming the bad guy—that guy that thinks everyone else is so terrible and awful, all the while completely missing the fact that the problem isn't with them, it's with you.

Thankfully, it's an easy thing to correct. In most cases, all you have to do to keep your occasional inner asshole in check is to be nice to people and treat them the way you want to be treated. Remember Wheaton's Law. Tamp down the urge to be mean just because someone's different than you are, has a different opinion, dresses differently, or just seems to love life or their work in a way you don't. Then, take all of that energy you would have spent being snarky, and put it to good use: like living your own life and doing the things that make you happy.


Roger S. Gil, MAMFT is a marriage and family therapist who helps individuals, couples, and families with their relationships, parenting skills, and other mental health issues. You can follow him on Twitter at @rogergil79, check out his blog and podcast at luvbuzd.tv.

Dr. Jeffrey DeGroat, PhD, LP is a Clinical Psychologist, specializing in family therapy.

Both gentlemen graciously offered their expertise for this post, and we thank them.

Title quote courtesy of Anna Holmes.

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I Really Didn’t Need Those New Mass Effect 3 Endings

June 27th, 2012Top Story

I Really Didn't Need Those New Mass Effect 3 Endings

By Evan Narcisse

I Really Didn̢۪t Need Those New Mass Effect 3 Endings I loved the Mass Effect 3 ending the way it was two weeks ago. It's a shame that many Mass Effect 3 fans didn't feel the same way.

Editor's Note: What follows are thoughts on the ending of Mass Effect 3, both before and after the newly-released Extended Cut DLC. Needless to say, there will be spoilers. If you haven't finished Mass Effect 3 yet, you should probably stop reading now.













I Really Didn̢۪t Need Those New Mass Effect 3 Endings I loved the Mass Effect 3 ending the way it was two weeks ago. It's a shame that many Mass Effect 3 fans didn't feel the same way.

My Commander Shepard fought to the Citadel and, after talking to the Catalyst, I spent an agonizing time—10 minutes? 15? An eternity?—making my decision. As much as I wanted to destroy the Reapers, I finally settled on the Control ending because the idea of self-sacrifice and turning the giant war machines to a greater good appealed to me.

Click to view Sure, I had questions about the fate of the individual races I'd united to fight against the malevolent synthetics. But, if I learned anything over the course of playing through 180 some-odd hours over three games, it was that humans, Asari, Salarians and other races in the Mass Effect universe would figure out their own fates one way or another. Yeah, they needed me, but only so much. The series lore excelled at establishing the idea that these cultures had existed long before Shepard burst onto the cosmic scene. They'd probably continue in the same way. I liked not knowing whether the Krogan would try to subjugate the galaxy again and wondered at the hazy maybes of future Quarian/Geth relations.

But then the Extended Cut came.

The whole reason the Extended Cut exists is because a very vocal group of Mass Effect 3 players felt like they didn't get enough. Not enough closure, not enough explanation and, probably, not enough emotion. Bioware listened to them and went to work on an expansion to Mass Effect 3's finale.

The Extended Cut doesn't spell everything out, mind you. But it does spell out too much. If you hated the Catalyst's Space Child persona, you're going to hate it even more after he keeps on just talking and talking. And if you liked his slightly petulant dismissiveness—like I did—then you're also going to hate him more. Making the Catalyst explain things brings him down to earth, the last thing a machine god needs to have happen to him.

Now, I have my own personal feelings about each ending thread. For me, the Destroy decision is reductive and jingoistic. It turns Shepard into a hero for only organic life and leaves the cruelest fate for EDI and the other artificial sentient lifeforms that once fought by his/her side.

Control is the most Christ-like, reminiscent of the assumptions and ascensions from classical mythologies. The human form is left behind for something more celestial and a higher ideal gets achieved for the good of those still bound to earth. And Synthesis shines as a beacon of co-operation where a true peace gets formed out of formerly incompatible ways of life find a way to combine. Refusal is just... ornery.

I Really Didn’t Need Those New Mass Effect 3 Endings It's those meanings—the metaphorical ones that stand apart from the game's plot points and story logic—matter most to me. And the power of those metaphors is exactly what gets lessened by all the explication in the Extended Cut. I already understood all of that imagery from the game's three different endings. And anything that I still had questions about, I could answer myself. If that wasn't enough, I could talk to friends and co-workers. Or, I could just live with having some questions unanswered. The universe is like that sometimes.

I didn't need to explicitly see my Shepard's tearful parting with his love interest Liara. I already knew they loved each other. Destiny tears them apart and that's tragic enough. The new goodbye scene works but it isn't necessary. Likewise for the Shepard narration in the Control ending. I felt like my ME3 avatar was more godlike and unknowable in that scenario before I got the skinny on his post-corporeal existence. I knew that the consciousness of Evan Shepard was doing good after taking control. That was the way I played him, after all.

To me, the Mass Effect games form an allegory about societal change. BioWare's triptych of titles explores what happens when different civilizations encounter, ally and subjugate each other. Taken all together, Mass Effect1, 2 and 3 act as a fable about culture clash, how much we matter to each other and how those relations impact the universe. And, as befits a symbolic story, there's tons of room for players to interpret and imagine the little side stories and divergences in a fictional construct. The Extended Cut crowds out some of that ideaspace with a bunch of detail that, I'd argue, the game never needed.

I Really Didn’t Need Those New Mass Effect 3 Endings All the elucidation undercuts Mass Effect's best theme, too. The idea of cosmicism—that we exist in a universe that's essentially indifferent to us—comes across better in the original ending. There, the Catalyst speaks to Shepard as if he doesn't care whether your character understands or not. This cycle is as it always has been and now that you've broken it, you have a choice to make. That's all you really need to know.

Look at how the expansion's extra dialogue also chips away at the shock, wonderment and awe of encountering the Catalyst. Before I felt like I was meeting a god. Now, I'm meeting a construct, built somewhere by someone at some time. It's the same thing but all the explaining changes the context, making it more knowable and less thrilling.

I can't help but feel that other players forced this diluted ending on me. They didn't get what they wanted and now I get something that I don't want. Before, I had an ending that felt like its creators respected my intelligence enough to trust me to fill in the blanks. Now, it's swollen with info dumps. As the Catalyst says in Mass Effect 3's endgame, "it is now in your power to destroy us." Now, an ending that, for me, felt just a little lyrical and poetic comes across as unnecessarily bloated and just a little bit destroyed. Who needs a slideshow when the scenes in your head are probably so much better?

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