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Friday, April 8, 2011

Help Prevent Charlie Sheen From Wreaking Havoc This Weekend!

By Brian Moylan

Help Prevent Charlie Sheen From Wreaking Havoc This Weekend!

Help Prevent Charlie Sheen From Wreaking Havoc This Weekend!The NYPD is prepared for Charlie Sheen this weekend. "We have a big police force, we're ready for him," New York Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly declared earlier today when asked about the actor who's in New York for two live shows at Radio City Music Hall this weekend. But like preventing terrorism or ending spread of syphilis, we're going to need everyone's help to ensure the situation is contained. Yes, that's right, you're expected to do your part. The police can't handle all of the dangers inherent in Charlie Sheen's visit to the Big Apple. Here are some tips on what you can do to help.

  • Sheen is staying at the Trump International Hotel in Midtown. If you see a woman with bleached blond hair, fake breasts, and manicured nails with some sort of airbrushing on them, she's most likely a cohort of Sheen's. If she appears to be distressed in any way, contact the authorities immediately. Actually, just call the cops no matter what. She's probably up to no good regardless.
  • If you accidentally inhale any white powder while Sheen is in town—or come across any suspicious packages that contain a powdery white substance—don't worry. It's not anthrax. Knowing Sheen, it's probably some really good shit.
  • If you own a bar, restaurant, or club in Manhattan, remove the bathroom doors. This will prevent Sheen from holing up at your establishment for hours and prevent any porn stars from locking themselves inside.
  • Tiger Blood is not a real substance. if you see anyone requesting it or trying to purchase it at a bodgea, please detain them until authorities arrive.
  • Help Prevent Charlie Sheen From Wreaking Havoc This Weekend!Sheen is playing at Radio City Music Hall tonight and Sunday. This will surely attract legions of suckers who paid to watch him ramble for two hours. The suckers, in turn, will attract pickpockets. If you're in Midtown this weekend, keep an eye on your wallet at all times. Or invest in a wallet chain. This will repel petty criminals, but it may also attract jeers and nasty looks from other New Yorkers.
  • Print out this poster and put it up in your neighborhood. The more people on alert the better.
[Images of Sheen in NYC yesterday via Splash] Number of comments
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Today in Slate: No More Privacy Paranoia; Plus, How Long Should We Cling to a Word's Original Meaning?

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Today: April 8, 2011

No More Privacy Paranoia

No More Privacy Paranoia

Want Web companies to stop using our personal data? Be ready to suffer the consequences.

By Farhad Manjoo

READ FULL STORY | More Business and Tech

The "Nonplussed" Problem

The "Nonplussed" Problem

How long should we cling to a word's original meaning?

By Ben Yagoda

READ FULL STORY | More Life

The Only Good Thing About the New Arthur Is That It Made Me Re-Watch the Old One

The Only Good Thing About the New Arthur Is That It Made Me Re-Watch the Old One

At Pfizer, Does All the Email About Viagra Get Caught in People's Spam Filters?

At Pfizer, Does All the Email About Viagra Get Caught in People's Spam Filters?

How the Heritage Foundation Messed Up the Data in Paul Ryan's Budget, and How They "Fixed It"

How the Heritage Foundation Messed Up the Data in Paul Ryan's Budget, and How They "Fixed It"

The Insanely Brilliant Director Behind the New Existential Pioneer Film Meek's Cutoff

The Insanely Brilliant Director Behind the New Existential Pioneer Film Meek's Cutoff

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Help! My Boyfriend Hacked Into My Email and Is Using My Sexual Past Against Me.

Help! My Boyfriend Hacked Into My Email and Is Using My Sexual Past Against Me.

 

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The Afternoon Scoop - The Tea Party's Budget Freakout

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The Daily Beast - The Afternoon Scoop - April 8, 2011
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CHEAT SHEET
MUST READS FROM ALL OVER

SHUTDOWN
1. The Tea Party's Budget Freakout

Grassroots activists in the organization are losing patience with GOP
leaders over the budget battle - and The Daily Beast's Patricia Murphy
reports that not even Speaker John Boehner is immune to their wrath.

Read it at The Daily Beast:
http://e.thedailybeast.com/a/tBNn2OGB7SwhTB8aLH5NsjV9ops/dail1
*************************************************************************

BUDGET CRISIS
2. Democrats Agree to $38B in Cuts

Democrats agreed to $38 billion in cuts Friday, but that still may not
be enough for Republicans, who are now demanding to cut Planned
Parenthood off from federal cash. Democrats insisted that abortion
funding was the only hangup to an agreement, while Republicans say there
has been no consensus on how much general spending to cut. "Almost all
of the policy riders have been dealt with, but there is no agreement on
spending," House Speaker John Boehner said. Boehner had a closed-door
meeting with the GOP Conference Friday afternoon, and President Obama
was reportedly unhappy with the message he got from the speaker
afterward. Government funding expires at midnight Friday, jeopardizing
the employment of 800,000 workers.

Read it at Politico:
http://e.thedailybeast.com/a/tBNn2OGB7SwhTB8aLH5NsjV9ops/dail2
*************************************************************************

Click here for more of the Cheat Sheet at The Daily Beast:
http://e.thedailybeast.com/a/tBNn2OGB7SwhTB8aLH5NsjV9ops/cs

FRIENDLY FIRE
NATO 'Regrets' Loss of Life in Libya
After commander refused to apologize.
http://e.thedailybeast.com/a/tBNn2OGB7SwhTB8aLH5NsjV9ops/cht3

SORRY
News of the World Issues Public Apology
"Genuine regret" for hacking.
http://e.thedailybeast.com/a/tBNn2OGB7SwhTB8aLH5NsjV9ops/cht4

REAL ESTATE
Trump Buys Patricia Kluge's Vineyard
Will keep her on to run operation.
http://e.thedailybeast.com/a/tBNn2OGB7SwhTB8aLH5NsjV9ops/cht5

UNCOMMITTED
Study: Unmarried Women Have Low Self-Esteem
Society "disapproves."
http://e.thedailybeast.com/a/tBNn2OGB7SwhTB8aLH5NsjV9ops/cht6
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The Yes List - A 'Sex and the City' Star Strips Down

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*************************************************************************
The Daily Beast - The Yes List - April 8, 2011
*************************************************************************

Each week, The Daily Beast sifts through the cultural landscape to
choose three top picks. This week, a startling indie turn from Kim
Cattrall, a roundtable discussion about David Foster Wallace's 'The Pale
King,' and a beloved period drama sneaks back onto television.

So Long, Samantha Jones

Kim Cattrall's a long way from Fifth Avenue in her new film 'Meet Monica
Velour.' The 'Sex and the City' icon is in the middle of a surprising
career move, trading in her Manolos to play a broken-down porn star. But
this isn't the first time Cattrall's avoided being pigeonholed. As
feminist icon Samantha Jones, she narrowly escaped the humiliating
purgatory of roles for middle-aged women, yet it's been seven years
since she and her small-screen counterparts left HBO. Her next step?
Casting off every remnant of glamour to portray a meth-snorting,
biker-snogging, aging '70s porn actress in writer-director Keith
Bearden's indie debut, released this weekend in New York and Los
Angeles. It's a semi-sweet coming-of-age story for her character Monica
and her oddball teenage fan (Dustin Ingram) who finds her at her trailer
park. It also shows the world a side of Cattrall we've never seen before
- makeup-less and carrying an extra 20 pounds. "I've been marginalized
in some ways, too," she confessed to The Daily Beast's Gina Piccalo. Her
latest role is a small but powerful one, and does plenty to erase any
memories of her cosmo-swilling, man-eating alter-ego.

Pick #2: The David Foster Wallace Generation
http://e.thedailybeast.com/a/tBNnzlSB7SwhTB8aKx0NsjV9otB/pick2

Pick #3: 'Upstairs Downstairs' Returns
http://e.thedailybeast.com/a/tBNnzlSB7SwhTB8aKx0NsjV9otB/pick3
*************************************************************************

Want more culture from The Daily Beast? Click below to read this week's
top stories on entertainment and the arts.

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Liz Hurley's Mystifying Love Life
http://e.thedailybeast.com/a/tBNnzlSB7SwhTB8aKx0NsjV9otB/hurley

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The End of Balmain's Big Rip-Off
http://e.thedailybeast.com/a/tBNnzlSB7SwhTB8aKx0NsjV9otB/balmain

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'Justified''s Enemies Sound Off
http://e.thedailybeast.com/a/tBNnzlSB7SwhTB8aKx0NsjV9otB/justified

*************************************************************************

The Most Expensive Royal Weddings
http://e.thedailybeast.com/a/tBNnzlSB7SwhTB8aKx0NsjV9otB/royal

*************************************************************************

The Daily Pic on Art Beast
http://e.thedailybeast.com/a/tBNnzlSB7SwhTB8aKx0NsjV9otB/art

*************************************************************************

Dukan Diet and More Pre-Wedding Tricks of the Stars
http://e.thedailybeast.com/a/tBNnzlSB7SwhTB8aKx0NsjV9otB/dukan

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