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10 Things I Wish I Had Known Before Becoming a Parent

March 8th, 2013Top Story

10 Things I Wish I Had Known Before Becoming a Parent

By Melanie Pinola

10 Things I Wish I Had Known Before Becoming a ParentRaising a child is full of surprises. No matter how many books, parenting forums, and Dr. Sears articles you read, nothing can completely prepare you for becoming a parent. If I could go back to before my daughter was born and tell myself what I didn't know I would experience, this is what I would say.

1. Making a Baby Isn't as Easy as It Sounds

Some people are able to reproduce as easily as bunnies, but for others, that's not always the case. Before I got pregnant, I naively thought that whenever I would want to have a child, my husband and I would just have sex every day for a month and, bam, that would be it. The human body doesn't really work that way.

So if you're thinking of having a child someday and want to plan the pregnancy for a certain time period, consider giving yourself some extra time and try not to stress out about the whole thing. A great book on this subject is Taking Charge of Your Fertility. (It's also awesome even if you're not thinking of getting pregnant but just want to know more about the female body.)

2. The First Few Months Are Pure Torture

10 Things I Wish I Had Known Before Becoming a ParentI sometimes think babies' cries are so grating, their sleep so erratic, and breastfeeding so painful just to harden up parents. If you can survive the first few months of Baby Boot Camp without losing your mind, you can survive anything—you're like a superhero. Because, really, the first few months are hell if you enjoy sleeping, showering, and functioning well. Photo by Monkey Business Images (Shutterstock)

Others told me it was hard. But it's impossible to truly convey just what it's like to wake up at night every two hours for several months. Or try to calm a baby who's screaming inconsolably. Or deal with your body now being three sizes bigger than it used to be (graciously, this happens to dads as well as moms). Or struggle with not feeling like yourself for not just months but maybe even years.

The other thing to know, though, is that as bad as it gets, you'll get through it. (Just don't be afraid to ask for help, especially if you suffer from post-partum depression.) There are blissful, amazing moments during that period too, and, after enough time passes, you might even think back wistfully on this period and even be crazy enough to go through that torture again.

3. You Will Lose and Sorely Miss Sleep

Even past the infant and toddler stages, you might have sleep issues. Middle-of-the-night nightmares, kids sleeping between you and your significant other, difficulty getting them up in time for school, and so on.

I think it gets better (my daughter is seven and still climbs into our bed at night). I've asked fellow Lifehacker editor and parent Walter Glenn for reassurance, but he's keeping awfully mum on the subject.

A word to the wise: Don't start a sleep or nighttime habit (like letting your kid into your bed in the middle of the night) you don't want to continue until your child is in college.

4. You Don't Need a Lot of Baby Stuff or Clothes

10 Things I Wish I Had Known Before Becoming a ParentStrollers, car seats, playpens, swings, bouncy chairs, play mats, sleep hammocks, teething rings, bibs, burp cloths...babies seemingly need a ton of accoutrements. Let me save you a lot of money: You don't need even half of those things. Photo by Stephen Cummings

Many new parents fear their babies will get bored or will need constant stimulation to develop super baby brains, but the truth is infants pretty much just sleep, wake up and cry to be fed, then fall asleep after being fed. You don't need multiple, endless ways to occupy them even when they've started toddling, because everything is entertaining to a young child. (It's also why baby-proofing is important.) Also, kids tend to discard even new toys quicker than it took you to look for and buy them. I have a garage full of baby distractions and stuffed animals (the bane of my existence) just waiting for garage sale season. To this day, I'm thinking, why didn't I just buy blocks or make toys out of toilet paper rolls.

Similarly, I wish I hadn't bought so many baby clothes—at least new ones. For one thing, family and friends love to gift adorable outfits (who can resist buying tiny shoes, even if the baby can't stand up?). For another, kids grow like weeds, so some outfits are rarely even worn before they don't fit. If I could do it over again, I probably would've bought only on-sale or used clothes, enough to last two weeks of laundry. Of course, if your kid gets dirty a lot, you might have to buy more clothes, but wait until you know before hitting up the kids clothing department.

5. Children Rack Up a Lot of Surprise Costs

There is one thing you will need a lot of in the first few years: Diapers. A whole lot of diapers. You know that already, but you're probably still underestimating how many diapers you'll end up buying (or washing, if you go the cloth route). This makes subscribing to a newspaper for the diaper coupons worth it alone. I also wish I had joined Amazon Moms way back when.

Other expenses will seem to come out of the blue over the course of your child's life. Music lessons, for example, for a couple of hundred dollars a month, class trip costs, babysitting costs, and even medicine and medical fees can take you by surprise. Perhaps the biggest shocker, though, is the higher-than-college cost of daycare. (It's like you need to take a second job to pay for the daycare that lets you work your first job.) So spend less on baby gear and keep in mind these unexpected (or unexpectedly high) costs that really add up.

6. You Can Work from Home with a Child (But Only Up to a Point)

10 Things I Wish I Had Known Before Becoming a ParentThere are two periods of your children's lives when working from home with them is a breeze: Before they're walking (e.g., when they can entertain themselves by discovering their toes) and after they're old enough to understand that when you're working from home, you're really not available. If your kid is good at entertaining him/herself, working from home is easy, but it might still give you pangs of guilt when your attention is divided. It's hard for parents to say "No, I'm busy now" several times a day. Photo by Bethany King

So even if you're lucky enough to get to work from home, you should plan on getting childcare help once your child is old enough to demand your complete and undivided attention.

7. Don't Worry If Your Child Isn't Reaching Development Milestones

10 Things I Wish I Had Known Before Becoming a ParentMy daughter didn't start walking until she was thirteen months old—about the time all the baby books said I would need to consult a doctor if she wasn't walking by then. So of course I stressed about it. She was also in pull-up diapers longer than other kids in her daycare (a stranger even once remarked to me in a public bathroom that she was too old for diapers. Yeah, rude parenting advice from random strangers is also a thing you'll have to get used to). So of course I stressed about it. Photo by Manish Bansal

Looking back, though, I accept each kid develops on his or her own timeframe. All that time my daughter wasn't learning how to walk, she was using her energy to learn how to speak.

So try not to rush getting your child to talk, walk, run, or read. They grow up all too fast anyway. (By the way, I tried that "teach your kid to be potty trained in one day" mythical method, and it totally backfired. I should have just done what Walter did with his two kids and waited until she was obviously ready.)

8. You Can Never Take Too Many Pictures or Videos

In the first few years, you're probably going to constantly take pictures and videos. Sadly, that falls off as you and they get older. You will never regret having too many pictures of your rapidly growing child, though, so it's something to watch out for.

It also helps if you develop a habit of organizing your photos and videos soon after you take them. Otherwise, you'll have a mess of images and videos that are as daunting as the thousands of emails you have in your inbox.

Most important, though: Backup, backup, and backup your photos and videos, both locally and offsite. (We like Crashplan for an automated, bulletproof backup system.) Those files are probably the most precious ones to save.

9. Going Out—Anywhere—Will Never Be the Same

10 Things I Wish I Had Known Before Becoming a ParentOnce you become a parent, time shifts. What used to be a five-minute run to the store will now take forty-five minutes to account for bundling, dawdling, snack-packing, car-seat-fiddling, and other extra steps.

Eating out is also a whole new experience. There are Cheerios on the floor to feel guilty about, crayons to keep from rolling off the table, and angry-looking fellow diners (at least in your mind) to deal with. And if you manage to get out for a date night alone with your significant other, you'll probably spend all of the time talking or worrying about your child. Photo by Lordcolus

10. You Will Never Be the Same

Parenting changes you. I expected this, but I didn't expect just how radically it would. It's not like you turn into your mom or dad overnight, but your values, perspective, and habits get realigned to one single creature: your child (or your children, if you have more than one).

It also means:

  • Your habits might change for the better. You'll think more about the nutritional value of your food, driving safely, spending money more wisely, living longer, and exemplifying good ethics.
  • Poop will no longer be taboo (if it ever was). Oh, the poop stories you will be able to tell when you're a parent.
  • Your relationship with your partner will change. You can't really know until it happens whether it's for better or worse, but parenting changes the other person too and how you look at him/her.
  • You may have to part with previous entertainment choices. (Play video games and watch TV? Sure, but now it's Talking Tom and My Little Pony/Voltron.)
  • You will never take free time for granted again.
  • You might actually have more fun and become more creative. (Inventing dog costumes, drawing on the sidewalk, and trying new ways to make peas appealing weren't on my to-do list before.)
  • You will likely experience a love and a bond that you never could've imagined.

Finally, just one last thing to know: None of the negative stuff on this list—as terrible and messy as they sound—will really bother you in the long run. You'll discover many new things about yourself as a parent—things that make you stronger, and more vulnerable in a sense too. Author Elizabeth Stone made this terribly true observation: "Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart walking around outside your body." I think most parents would agree that it is so, so worth it. Just think of this as mental preparation.

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Gas Masks, Angel Wings and Fainting Spells: The Week We Lost Justin Bieber

March 8th, 2013Top Story

Gas Masks, Angel Wings and Fainting Spells: The Week We Lost Justin Bieber

By Caity Weaver

Gas Masks, Angel Wings and Fainting Spells: The Week We Lost Justin BieberThe baddest kid you ever babysat, Justin Bieber, has had a really weird week. It kicked off last Friday with the 19th birthday he had been hyping on Twitter for days—a birthday he would later describe in a (now deleted) tweet as the "worst birthday ever." Since then, a friend on another continent has crashed his $100,000 custom car. He's been hospitalized, for either shortness of breath or drastically low levels of public sympathy. Today, he lunged at a paparazzi like a baby flying squirrel and threatened to "fucking beat the fuck out of" him. Earlier in the week, he had a kebab at 6 a.m.

It's been such a weird, action-packed few days, that even Justin Bieber might have trouble sorting it out.

Which is why we bring you: The Week in Biebz.

Friday March 1 (morning): A Sweater Made of Skin

Gas Masks, Angel Wings and Fainting Spells: The Week We Lost Justin BieberGas Masks, Angel Wings and Fainting Spells: The Week We Lost Justin BieberGas Masks, Angel Wings and Fainting Spells: The Week We Lost Justin Bieber Gas Masks, Angel Wings and Fainting Spells: The Week We Lost Justin Bieber Click to view Gas Masks, Angel Wings and Fainting Spells: The Week We Lost Justin Bieber Gas Masks, Angel Wings and Fainting Spells: The Week We Lost Justin BieberGas Masks, Angel Wings and Fainting Spells: The Week We Lost Justin BieberFrom top: Bieber on March 1; Bieber in concert earlier that night; Bieber in gas mask on March 6; Bieber after fainting on March 7; Bieber threatening a photographer on March 8; two more shots of Bieber on March 1; and Bieber, in happier times before his weird week, on February 27. All photos via WENN.com.

After performing a show in Birmingham on Thursday night, Justin Bieber returns to his London hotel at 3 a.m. Despite the winter weather (the low temperature on Friday was 37°F), Bieber makes the trip from his car to the hotel shirtless, his brief-clad bottom hanging all the way out of his saggy leather sweatpants. The leather sweatpants are worn for no apparent reason, as warmth is clearly not important to him and they cause him to walk like the Unclean son of Marky Mark and a gorilla. He is later photographed eating kebabs in a Lebanese restaurant at 6 a.m.

Friday March 1 (afternoon): Bad Karma

Justin Bieber's friend Lil Twist is pulled over by police in California while driving Bieber's Fisker Karma. (Bieber received the car, rumored to have cost at least $100,000 on the Ellen show one year ago as a birthday present.) Lil Twist receives a ticket because the custom tint job on the car's windows is too dark.

Note: Lil Twist was driving another of Bieber's cars earlier this year when a paparazzo tailing him was struck and killed by another vehicle.

Friday March 1 (night): The Worst Birthday Ever

Justin Bieber is unable to enter a club with a group of his underage friends, possibly including Will Smith's 14-year-old son, Jaden. Justin Bieber observes on Twitter that this has been the "worst birthday ever."

Monday March 4: A Loofah's Lament

Justin Bieber arrives on stage two hours late (according to witnesses) or 40 minutes late (according to Justin Bieber) for a show at London's O2 Arena. The next day, Justin sends out a series of tweets blaming his lateness on "technical issues," apologizing to "anyone upset" and repeatedly remarking that his relationship with the media is not "easy."

Various British papers publish comments allegedly from concert workers who say that Bieber came onstage late because he was playing video games and then, already behind schedule, refused to perform until he had showered.

Many attendees reportedly have to leave the show before Bieber takes the stage at 10:23 (7 minutes before the show was originally scheduled to end), in order to catch trains home. Parents rip into him on Twitter.

Tuesday March 5: A BFF's Big Fuck-Up

Friend of Bieber and Enemy of Cars Lil Twist crashes the Fisker Karma he is borrowing into some cement poles at a liquor store. According to TMZ, shortly after the accident, a BMW pulls into the parking lot, and Lil Twist and his passengers pick up all the pieces that have fallen off the Fisker and put them in the BMW. The men then pull away, leaving the Fisker behind. This story is not reported in the media until Thursday.

Wednesday March 6: A Passing Gas Mask

Justin Bieber goes on an extended, intermittently coherent Twitter rant, blasting rumors (the concept) and serving God ("but know this...im only judged by one power, and i serve him").

That night, he walks into London's ritzy Mr. Chow restaurant wearing a gas mask. This is the second appearance of Bieber's gas mask on the London trip; he was also photographed wearing one while shopping on February 25. Gas masks have not been so in vogue in London since WWII.

Thursday March 7: The Fainting Couch

Justin Bieber reportedly collapses backstage during a London performance and is treated with oxygen. His manager takes the stage to announce that Justin was instructed to go to the hospital but has chosen to continue the concert FOR THE FAAAAAAAANS.

Laster, Bieber posts a shirtless picture of himself lying on a hospital bed to Instagram, with the caption "Gettin better listening to Janice Joplin."

Some people question whether the alleged collapse was a ploy to stem the wave of bad press the singer has begun receiving. Here's a video of Bieber pausing for breath shortly before exiting the stage.

Fucking Friday March Fucking 8: "I'll Fucking Beat the Fuck Out of You"

Rocked back to health by Dr.Janice Joplin, Justin Bieber is in fine fighting form. As the singer hurries from his hotel into his SUV, a paparazzo begins yelling at his security guards, who have pushed photographer out of the way in order to clear a path for Justin. All of a sudden, Justin jumps out of the car and squeaks at him: "What the fuck'd you say? What'd you say? I'll fucking beat the fuck out of you!" while a security guard "restrains" him. The effect is very Malibu's Most Wanted. TMZ has a hilarious video.

Focus on Fashion

Here is a partial list of the raiments with which Justin Bieber adorned his body during while in London:
Baggy leopard print pants (brown), baggy leopard print pants (purple), leopard print sneakers, leopard print backpack worn by both straps, a velour bomber jacket, bright blue leather drawstring sweatpants, black leather pants, very few shirts, a gas mask, Jesus' head cast in diamonds (necklace), a cream-colored knitted cardigan, a hat commemorating 1994, giant gunmetal grey angel wings (on stage), and a Brooklyn Nets baseball cap (Go Nets!).

He's due in Lisbon next Monday.

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Proof That American Gamers Really Do Want Japanese RPGs

March 8th, 2013Top Story

Proof That American Gamers Really Do Want Japanese RPGs

By Jason Schreier

Proof That American Gamers Really Do Want Japanese RPGsDoes the world still care about Japanese role-playing games? Do people still want to buy them? Do they still deserve our attention?

Ask your average gamer—or your average game developer—and they'll tell you that the JRPG is a dying genre. They'll tell you that Japanese RPGs haven't evolved, or that nobody buys them anymore. That JRPGs are too niche to bring to America. That the style isn't worth anyone's time.

America disagrees.

For a long time now, I've been arguing that JRPGs are under-appreciated—that the genre is far more diverse and interesting than people believe. I've also argued that the fanbase for JRPGs is larger than most people think it is.

Robert Boyd thinks so too. Boyd, an American indie developer who makes turn-based, Japanese-style RPGs, believes that there are tons of westerners who would happily buy more JRPGs or JRPG-style games. If only there were more to buy.

"I think the market for quality JRPGs outside of Japan is grossly underestimated," Boyd told me in an e-mail yesterday.

His proof? Boyd's 2011 game Cthulhu Saves The World sold 300,000 copies on PC alone—and another 100,000 on mobile platforms and the Xbox indie marketplace. Cthulhu Saves The World is a traditional turn-based RPG that in many ways emulates classics like Dragon Quest and Final Fantasy. It's also funny, charming, and interesting in its own way. And it's a big success.

Proof That American Gamers Really Do Want Japanese RPGs

Granted, Cthulhu is a cheap game, and Steam has promoted it a few times with bundles and sales. But those are massive numbers even for a $3 game, and Boyd believes his JRPG isn't an anomaly.

"Zeboyd Games is a two-man studio and we made Cthulhu Saves the World in under a year (and not even working full-time on it)," Boyd said. "Not only that, but at the time, we had very little previous development experience. If we were able to find that kind of success with our low-budget JRPG-style RPG, I don't see why a bigger studio with a solid understanding of the genre couldn't find even more success with bigger-budget higher priced games."

There are some other Westerners making JRPGs—Adam Rippon's Dragon Fantasy has been a success on iOS and will soon be on PS3 and Vita, and a number of developers have started Kickstarters for JRPG-style games like Echoes of Eternia. But Boyd thinks the market is still untapped.

"PC in particular has exploded in the US over the past few years thanks to Steam's growing popularity and the rise of indie games," Boyd said. "And yet there are still very few JRPG-style games being released professionally on the PC."

You don't have to be an indie to get an audience—despite common consensus, big-budget console JRPGs have also found a fair amount of success over the past two years. Nintendo of America president Reggie Fils-Aime told me he was quite pleased with Xenoblade's sales when we chatted last year, and Xseed has said that The Last Story is their most successful launch to date.

Most recently, the stellar Ni no Kuni tore up the charts in early 2013—according to one person in a position to know (who spoke to me under condition of anonymity), Namco Bandai was very pleased with the RPG's sales in the United States. Although the publisher has yet to say anything about the game's reception, Ni no Kuni was the number-one seller in the UK in January as well.

People want to play good JRPGs. Just look at the charts for February's PSN sales, via Sony:

Proof That American Gamers Really Do Want Japanese RPGs

Yeah, that data happens to coincide with Square Enix running a sale on Final Fantasy games for half of February, but it's not a coincidence. People aren't just buying up old Final Fantasy games because they're cheap. People are buying them because they want to play great JRPGs.

So let this be a message. To a few different groups of people.

To Japanese publishers: Bring your games to the west! If they're good, people will buy them. Word will spread. We'll help.

To game developers: Make JRPGs! They're not obsolete. People want to play them. Not every role-playing game has to feel like Skyrim or Mass Effect. There are a lot of different styles to play around with.

Most importantly...

To gamers: Speak up! Let your voice be heard. Support great JRPGs. Spend your time telling companies like Square Enix that you want to see games like Bravely Default come to the West, and tell indie developers that you'd love to see them make more JRPGs.

Don't lose faith, no matter how many people tell you that this is a niche, undesirable genre. The numbers tell a different story.

Random Encounters is a weekly column dedicated to all things JRPG. It runs every Friday at 3pm ET.

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