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Thursday, March 29, 2012

The Onion Weekly Dispatch - March 28, 2012

The Onion

Nation's Quadriplegics Immobilize On Washington In Support Of Stem-Cell Research 03.28.12

WASHINGTON—Having arrived in the nation's capital by the wheelchair-accessible-busload, tens of thousands of quadriplegics from across the United States immobilized on the National Mall Wednesday, rallying in motionless protest against restrictions ...

U.S. Military Desperate To Be Handed Just One Solid War It Can Knock Out Of The Park

News in Brief »

New Walgreens Facebook Plugin Allows Users To See What Prescriptions Friends Are Picking Up

'The Recovery Is Here,' Reports Underemployed Man Making $20,000 Less Than He Used To

Lawyers Opposing Health Care Law Cite Kids-With-Pre-Existing-Conditions-Can-Go-Fuck-Themselves Clause

American Voices »

SAT Takers Face Tighter Security

"That whole standardized test thing is overrated. I never took the SAT, and look at me now: I'm in the newspaper!"

Supply Of College Graduates Outstripped By Workforce Demand

video »

Today Now! Host Undergoes Horrifically Painful Surgery Live On Air

Jim Haggerty helps to raise awareness about kidney stones by undergoing an operation in front of cameras.

opinion »

Sometimes I Feel Like I’m The Only One Who Gives A Shit About Rich, Lustrous Hair

by Marcus Russo , President and CEO, Pantene

By Marcus Russo, President and CEO, Pantene

Radio News »

'Phantom Of The Opera' Viewers Treated For Post-Melodramatic Stress Disorder

featured section: »

Horoscope »

Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19

This is a good time to make big moves at work, as you'll show up Monday to find all the furniture's gone and everyone has relocated to a new office somewhere outside Gary, IN.

Most Popular »
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