The Onion Daily Dispatch - January 26, 2012

Thu Jan 26, 2012 www.theonion.com

Scientists: 'Look, One-Third Of The Human Race Has To Die For Civilization To Be Sustainable, So How Do We Want To Do This?' 01.26.12 WASHINGTON—Saying there's no way around it at this point, a coalition of scientists announced Thursday that one-third of the world population must die to prevent wide-scale depletion of the planet's resources—and that humankind needs to figure... News in Brief » Frocked Podium Boys Shine In Pre-State-Of-The-Union Rituals American Voices » Obama's State Of The Union “Yeah! We got bin Laden!” opinion » I'm More Of A Breast Man And Completely Worthless Human Being, Myself by Jesse Walters In this world, there are all kinds of chicks—tall ones, short ones, fat ones, skinny ones, even some real ugly ones that my buddy Jeff calls "double baggers"—ha! Radio News » Virulent Strain Of Soy Flu Traced To Single Tofurky

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 Your death next week will seem in­explicable until people remember the ill-advised 1985 "cross your heart and hope to die" pledge you made to be best friends with Jenny Bosben. Most Popular » Scientists: 'Look, One-Third Of The Human Race Has To Die For Civilization To Be Sustainable, So How Do We Want To Do This?' Jerry Sandusky: I’ll Never Forget All The Things Joe Paterno Did For Me Romneymania Sweeps America How Would You Like To Die? How Would You Like To Die? Obama's State Of The Union

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