The Onion Daily Dispatch - October 11, 2012

Thu Oct 11, 2012 www.theonion.com

Naked, Tied-Up Paul Ryan Tells Staff He Can’t Prepare For Debate Unless They Slap Him Harder 10.10.12 DANVILLE, KY—Lying fully nude with his wrists and ankles tied to the corners of his hotel room bed, an intense, sweat-drenched Paul Ryan reportedly told his staffers today that the only way he could prepare for Thursday night’s vice presidenti... News in Brief » Biden's Handlers Suggesting He Forget The Words 'Pink' And 'Stink' Altogether American Voices » 'Peanuts' Movie In The Works “Good call. Kids love defunct comic strips.” opinion » Ask An Elderly Black Woman As Depicted By A Sophomore Creative Writing Major by Mrs. D’Lulah Jessups As Portrayed By Brian Kirby In His Short Story “The Sun Behind The Sky” Radio News » Unicycling Bear's Agent Has Long List Of Demands

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 Don’t worry your pretty little head about next week’s events. Instead, worry your pretty little arms, your pretty little legs, and that pretty little spine of yours about it. Most Popular » Mr. Autumn Man Walking Down Street With Cup Of Coffee, Wearing Sweater Over Plaid Collared Shirt Naked, Tied-Up Paul Ryan Tells Staff He Can’t Prepare For Debate Unless They Slap Him Harder Biden's Handlers Suggesting He Forget The Words 'Pink' And 'Stink' Altogether 'Peanuts' Movie In The Works Romney Proudly Explains How He's Turned Campaign Around Justice Ginsburg Throws Party While 120-Year-Old Parents Away For Weekend

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