The Onion Daily Dispatch - September 21, 2012

Fri Sep 21, 2012 www.theonion.com

New, Lighter iPhone Hailed By Exhausted, Humpbacked iPhone 4 Users 09.21.12 LOS ANGELES—The nation’s hunchbacked, out-of-breath iPhone users lined up outside Apple stores throughout the country today to purchase the new iPhone 5, which boasts a widely anticipated slimmed down, lighter design that promises to no longer... News in Brief » Egyptian Woman Wishes Screaming Protester Husband Would Go Bonkers For Her Once In A While American Voices » Anniversary Of 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' Repeal “Even if I was wrong about that, I’m definitely still right about every other way gay people shouldn’t be equal.” opinion » Now That My Campaign Is Over, I'd Like To Talk To You All About The Church Of Latter-Day Saints by Mitt Romney, Republican Nominee For President Of The United States By Mitt Romney Radio News » Unicycling Bear's Agent Has Long List Of Demands

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 You’ll have no choice but to eat the other passengers after your plane crashes into an Armour Hot Dog processing plant this week. Most Popular » New, Lighter iPhone Hailed By Exhausted, Humpbacked iPhone 4 Users Nick Jr. Suspends Production On 'The Almighty Muhammad's Porkalicious Toon Jihad' Romney Apologizes To Nation's 150 Million 'Starving, Filthy Beggars' No One Murdered Because Of This Image Report: It's Not Okay To Just Start Talking To People You Don’t Know Now That My Campaign Is Over, I'd Like To Talk To You All About The Church Of Latter-Day Saints

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