The Onion Weekly Dispatch - April 25, 2012

Wed Apr 25, 2012 www.theonion.com

Depressed Ralph Lauren Releases New Wrinkled Dress Shirt With Marinara Stain On It 04.19.12 NEW YORK—In a bold move that has become the talk of the fashion world, morbidly depressed designer Ralph Lauren has unveiled a wrinkled dress shirt stained with marinara sauce, part of a new ready-to-wear fall line reflecting the clothing legend... Obama Launches More Realistic 'I Have Big Ideas But We'll See How It Goes' Campaign Slogan News in Brief » Group Of '90s Footnotes Welcomes Gingrich Home Study: Red Meat Takes Years Off Of Cow's Life George H.W. Bush Hasn't Seen Anyone From His Secret Service Detail In Years American Voices » Ron Paul Video Game In Development “What better libertarian tribute could there be than forcing players into a world of rules they didn't create to achieve a goal they never chose?” Wind Farms Leave Most Birds Unaffected video » Kanye West In Feud With Nation Of Syria In the Daily Briefing, Tucker Hope reports on Kanye West's feud with Syria and a company's decision not to bother recalling a defective hotplate. opinion » Well, Well, Well, Look Who’s Come Crawling To His Uncle To Hear His Fleetwood Mac Concert Stories by Michael Fleischmann By Michael Fleischmann Radio News » Cancer Victim Given Second Chance At Death

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 Sex with you is an earth-shattering experience, especially the part where hundreds of Indonesians lose their lives. Most Popular » Kinko's Manager Hopes Child Stays Missing A Little Longer Ron Paul Video Game In Development Obama's Approval Rating Down After Photos Surface Of Him Eating Big Sandwich All Alone Group Of '90s Footnotes Welcomes Gingrich Home Kanye West In Feud With Nation Of Syria Human Feet Originally Used For Walking, Anthropologists Report

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