The Onion Weekly Dispatch - April 18, 2012

Wed Apr 18, 2012 www.theonion.com

Obama Launches More Realistic 'I Have Big Ideas But We'll See How It Goes' Campaign Slogan 04.18.12 CHICAGO—After coming to terms with the limited scope of what he can realistically expect to accomplish as president, Barack Obama announced Wednesday a new, more practical campaign slogan that will serve as the cornerstone for his 2012 reelection bi... Human Civilization Brings Out Worst In Area Man News in Brief » Christie 2016 Comes From Nowhere To Win Republican Nomination Gingrich Urges Romney To Drop Out So He Can Focus On General Election Sweeping New Labor Reforms Allow Foxconn Employees To Work In Inhumane Conditions From Home American Voices » Retail Sales Rise "0.8 percent? America's back, baby!" Space Shuttle Discovery Moves To D.C. video » Report: Every Potential 2040 President Already Unelectable Due To Facebook A troubling report finds that by 2040 every presidential candidate will be unelectable to political office due to their embarrassing Facebook posts. opinion » Healthy, Nutritious Food Would Have Saved The Titanic by Michelle Obama By Michelle Obama Radio News » Archaeologists Report Recently Uncovered Tomb Sure Smells Like Mummies

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 Your feeling of impending doom shall come to nothing again this week as the world continues to turn and your life goes on as normal. Perhaps you should consider feeling useless and stupid instead. Most Popular » New Girlfriend Tests Poorly With Peer Focus Group Obama Launches More Realistic 'I Have Big Ideas But We'll See How It Goes' Campaign Slogan Report: Every Potential 2040 President Already Unelectable Due To Facebook Human Civilization Brings Out Worst In Area Man But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship Where I Ask You To Do Things And You Do Them Trusted Sistine Chapel Janitor Convicted Of Sexually Abusing Last 4 Popes

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