The Onion Daily Dispatch - April 06, 2012

Fri Apr 06, 2012 www.theonion.com

Dick Vitale More Sexual During March Madness, Wife Lorraine Reports 03.19.09 BRISTOL, CT—Mrs. Vitale would not confirm rumors that ESPN analyst Digger Phelps sometimes participates while dressed as Wake Forest's "Demon Deacon" mascot. News in Brief » Sweeping New Labor Reforms Allow Foxconn Employees To Work In Inhumane Conditions From Home American Voices » Yahoo! Lays Off 14% Of Workforce "So long as they don’t ax the person who keeps me up-to-date on the Kardashians when I go to check my e-mail." opinion » I'd Be Happy To Help With Any Herding… by A Border Collie By A Border Collie Radio News » Pentagon Gets 12 Weapons For Only A Penny From Columbia Missile and Tank Club

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 This is a good time to make big moves at work, as you'll show up Monday to find all the furniture's gone and everyone has relocated to a new office somewhere outside Gary, IN. Most Popular » Dick Vitale More Sexual During March Madness, Wife Lorraine Reports Metric System Thriving In Nation's Inner Cities Ryan Leaf Somehow Worse At Crime Than Football Cambodian Antiquity To Be Seized Drinkable Water For America's Cities Conservatives Believe In Science Less

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