The Onion Daily Dispatch - February 24, 2012

Fri Feb 24, 2012 www.theonion.com

Report: Your Favorite Player Took Steroids 08.03.06 NEW YORK—Representatives from Major League Baseball, the National Football League, the National Basketball Association, the National Hockey League, and several other major sporting organizations announced Tuesday that a study conducted... News in Brief » Handlers Constantly Reminding Gingrich To Stay On Uninspiring, Belittling Message American Voices » Scientists Create Lab-Grown Meat “How many more times do you have to whack the cow with a sledgehammer before the stem cells come out?” opinion » I’m Getting Bitten By The Oscar Bug…AGAIN! by Jackie Harvey For some people, March Madness begins in March, and it’s tied to college basketball, but not me! Radio News » Area Man Somehow Less Popular Than He Was In High School

featured section: » Letters To The Editor » Dear The Onion, My wife makes the best spaghetti in the world. How do I get her to make it more often without having to admit that I like it? — Randolph Tiggs, Chicago Most Popular » Female Friends Spend Raucous Night Validating The Living Shit Out Of Each Other Report: Your Favorite Player Took Steroids Nation Trying, Okay? Area Man Somehow Less Popular Than He Was In High School Great Team Chemistry No Match For Great Team Biology Apple Vows To End Unsafe Labor Practices

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