The Onion Weekly Dispatch - January 18, 2012

Wed Jan 18, 2012 www.theonion.com

Supreme Court Overturns 'Right v. Wrong' 01.18.12 WASHINGTON—Striking down the judicial precedent that established the legal supremacy of right over wrong more than two centuries ago, the U.S. Arby's Now Charging $2.99 To Let Customers Go Behind Counter, Grab Handfuls Of Roast Beef News in Brief » Nation's Sound Engineers Gather To Talk About Their Ponytails Poll Finds Americans Would Be Open To Third Type Of Screwdriver Head Huntsman Drops Out, Endorses Huntsman American Voices » Zappos Hacked “That explains the hordes of pissed-off barefooted maniacs in the streets this morning.” Murder No Longer Among Top Killers In U.S. video » Justin Timberlake Wins Golden Globe For Funniest Goofball At His Table Justin Timberlake finally receives the recognition he deserves for being everybody's favorite jokester. opinion » You'll Never Love Our Amazing Deals On Household Appliances Unless You First Love Yourself by Daniel Stegman, Floor Salesman Good afternoon, there! Let me direct you to our housewares section, where we've slashed prices on kitchen appliances and home furnishings to the bone! Radio News » Series Of Serial Killer Killings Rocks Serial Killer Community

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 Jupiter rising in your sign is usually an indicator of prosperous ambitions, but when it just keeps coming right at you, it becomes downright terrifying. Most Popular » Supreme Court Overturns 'Right v. Wrong' Nation's Sound Engineers Gather To Talk About Their Ponytails Arby's Now Charging $2.99 To Let Customers Go Behind Counter, Grab Handfuls Of Roast Beef Your Horoscopes - Week Of January 17, 2012 Snake Gets Tattoo Of Dude On Face Zappos Hacked

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