The Onion Daily Dispatch - November 14, 2011

Mon Nov 14, 2011 www.theonion.com

Man To Sail Around World To Decrease Awareness Of Important Issues 11.14.11 ENCINITAS, CA—In a completely inconsequential event that has already captured the imaginations of thousands, amateur sailor Michael Gilmer, 29, announced Monday he would be embarking on a sea journey around the world to actively decrease awareness o... News in Brief » Report: Military Contractor Overcharged Pentagon For Torturing Iraqi Citizens American Voices » Crystal Returns To Oscars "I was hoping they were just going to cancel the Oscars this year." opinion » I Got A Beat Down From A Crazy Cat Dude by Jim Anchower Hola, amigos. How's your pecker? I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but things have been pretty rough for your pal Jim. Radio News » No One Has Heart To Ask Human Beat Box To Stop

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 A shocking revelation will shake you to the core of your being this week, which is odd, because it's merely the fact that the Doobie Brothers aren't actual brothers. Most Popular » Man To Sail Around World To Decrease Awareness Of Important Issues Friend's Excuses For Why He Can't Hang Out Getting More Sophisticated Over Time Crystal Returns To Oscars Jobs' Last Words Revealed Police: Student Had Embarrassingly Bad Plans For School Shooting Cute 8-Year-Old Starting To Realize How Much Better She Is Than Ugly Girls

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