The Onion Daily Dispatch - November 16, 2012

Fri Nov 16, 2012 www.theonion.com

Pistons Lose To Elementary School Girls Team After Big Night From 4'9" Center 11.16.12 DETROIT—The woeful start to the Pistons’ season continued Thursday when dominant 4-foot, 9-inch center Shauna Thompson led the Thirkell Elementary School girls basketball team to an authoritative 88-72 victory over 1-8 Detroit. The Pistons str... News in Brief » BP CEO: 'We Deeply Regret The Tragic Loss Of $4.5 Billion' American Voices » Secession Petitions Filed In All 50 States “I’m not sure how comfortable I am about the idea of a bunch of foreigners living so close to me.” opinion » Come On, Just Open The Door And Let Me In This Once by A Raccoon By A Raccoon Radio News » Kentucky Legislature Bans Gay Pet Weddings

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 The stars foretell of a mad prophet rising in the east in the moon's next cycle. They hope this somehow helps you with your life. Most Popular » Pistons Lose To Elementary School Girls Team After Big Night From 4'9" Center Secession Petitions Filed In All 50 States Poor Bastard Who Just Started Watching 'Lost' In For World Of Disappointment Kim Jong-Un Named The Onion's Sexiest Man Alive For 2012 Live-In Boyfriend Like The Deadbeat Dad Kids Never Had Widening Petraeus Scandal Reveals Human Race Has Been Having Sex For 200,000 Years

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