The Onion Weekly Dispatch - October 17, 2012

Wed Oct 17, 2012 www.theonion.com

Debate Cut Short As Lantern Fire Burns Down Ol' Town Hall 10.16.12 HEMPSTEAD, NY—A time-honored tradition ended in calamity tonight when, less than an hour after presidential candidates Mitt Romney and Barack Obama gathered together in the town of Hempstead, NY to debate their political views before villagers, a la... First Question From Debate Audience Somehow Comes From Paul Ryan News in Brief » Millions Head To Internet To Figure Out Their Own Opinions About Debate Romney To Town Hall Audience: 'I Own Horses And Care For Them, And You Are All Like Horses' Nation's Ever So Malleable Simpletons Fluttering Between Candidates Like Shuttlecocks Through Every Moment Of Debate American Voices » Scotland May Secede From U.K. In 2014 “Watch out, Scotland. We did the same thing, and look how that turned out.” Ross Perot Endorses Romney video » The Onion's Swing State Analysis: Florida The Onion profiles key battleground state Florida, known for being a state that can go either way. For instance, in 2000, the state famously voted for Republican George W. opinion » Okay, Let's Cut To The Chase—Which People Do I Know Who You Also Know Who Went To Your School? by John Haber By John Haber Radio News » Unicycling Bear's Agent Has Long List Of Demands

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 You'll have your train of thought derailed this week, instantly killing thousands of Indian passengers, injuring countless livestock, and choking the streets with cargo and crew. Most Popular » Nation Tunes In To See Which Sociopath More Likable This Time Scotland May Secede From U.K. In 2014 Millions Head To Internet To Figure Out Their Own Opinions About Debate First Question From Debate Audience Somehow Comes From Paul Ryan Romney Tells Heartbreaking Lie About Single Mother Of 4 He Never Met Romney To Town Hall Audience: 'I Own Horses And Care For Them, And You Are All Like Horses'

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