The Onion Weekly Dispatch - October 10, 2012

Wed Oct 10, 2012 www.theonion.com

U.S. Treasury Cowboy Claims Something Done Spooked Economy 10.09.12 WASHINGTON—U.S. Treasury Cowboy Earl “Buck” Laramie gathered reporters around his campfire at sundown Monday, rustled them up some biscuits and bacon, and broke the bad news that “Somethin’ or someone done spooked the economy... Romney Proudly Explains How He's Turned Campaign Around News in Brief » Congress Repairs To Parlor To Hear Rep. Carolyn Maloney Play The Recorder Nation Did Not See Mark Wahlberg's Sex Change Coming Romney Frantically Figuring Out How Tax Plan Could Actually Work After Realizing He Might Win Election American Voices » Danny DeVito, Rhea Perlman Separate “I bet it was that home-wrecker Angelina Jolie’s fault again.” Man To Skydive From Edge Of Space video » Back Of Library Smells Like Weed Library patrons in Pennington, IL report that something definitely smells like weed back in the young adult section. opinion » Ask An Elderly Black Woman As Depicted By A Sophomore Creative Writing Major by Mrs. D’Lulah Jessups As Portrayed By Brian Kirby In His Short Story “The Sun Behind The Sky” Radio News » Unicycling Bear's Agent Has Long List Of Demands

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 Don’t worry your pretty little head about next week’s events. Instead, worry your pretty little arms, your pretty little legs, and that pretty little spine of yours about it. Most Popular » Romney Proudly Explains How He's Turned Campaign Around Ask An Elderly Black Woman As Depicted By A Sophomore Creative Writing Major Nation Did Not See Mark Wahlberg's Sex Change Coming U.S. Treasury Cowboy Claims Something Done Spooked Economy Danny DeVito, Rhea Perlman Separate Romney Frantically Figuring Out How Tax Plan Could Actually Work After Realizing He Might Win Election

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