The Onion Daily Dispatch - October 24, 2012

Wed Oct 24, 2012 www.theonion.com

Latest Study Finds Cancer Cells Now Cruelly Mocking Researchers 10.24.12 ROCHESTER, MN—Stating that cancer cells are now “laughing in our fucking faces,” a new Mayo Clinic study with widespread implications for the treatment and potential cure of the disease has found that the malignant growths have begun cru... News in Brief » Coworker Hastily Leaves Break Room To Avoid 'Here Comes The Boom' Spoilers American Voices » Monster Energy Drink Cited In 5 Deaths “At least we can take some comfort in the knowledge that they didn’t die drowsy.” opinion » Would A Man Who Doesn't Support Women Let His Wife Pick Out Any Oven She Wants For Her Birthday? by Mitt Romney, Republican Nominee For President Of The United States By Mitt Romney Radio News » Unicycling Bear's Agent Has Long List Of Demands

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 An unexpected visitor will wake you in the middle of the night, rush you to the bathroom, and leave you bloodied and scared. Congratulations, you’re a woman now. Most Popular » Monster Energy Drink Cited In 5 Deaths Latest Study Finds Cancer Cells Now Cruelly Mocking Researchers Obama Takes Out Romney With Mid-Debate Drone Attack Apple Unveils iPad Mini This Last Story Ever Written About Cycling Entire Nation Now Undecided After 4 Debates

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