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Thursday, October 4, 2012

The Onion Daily Dispatch - October 04, 2012

The Onion

Mitt Romney Adopts New ‘Ronnie Ferocious’ Persona For Debates 10.03.12

DENVER—Saying that he wasn’t going to take any shit tonight and that the debate podiums “looked just as fucking lame as all the dressed-up suits in this godforsaken hellhole of a room,” Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney...

News in Brief »

Mitt Romney Jots Down Ideas For Concession Speech While Obama Talks

American Voices »

Teen Drinking And Driving Down Sharply

“Teens today are so lame. In my day, you weren’t considered cool unless you died in at least one drunk-driving accident.”

point/counterpoint »

The Anemic Economic Recovery Is Due To The Failed Policies Of My Opponent vs. C'mon Man, The Debate's In A Couple Hours, We Can Do This Then

by Barack Obama, Incumbent Candidate For President Of The United States

Point/Counterpoint

Radio News »

Unicycling Bear's Agent Has Long List Of Demands

featured section: »

Horoscope »

Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19

You'll be punished for playing God this week, which isn't surprising, considering the Cockney accent, exaggerated limp, and thick head of curly blond hair you gave Him.

Most Popular »
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