The Onion Weekly Dispatch - June 06, 2012

Wed Jun 06, 2012 www.theonion.com

Ann Romney Says Husband Has Deeply Principled Side No One Ever Sees In Public 06.04.12 LA JOLLA, CA—Ann Romney, wife of Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney, said Monday that despite her husband's public image as a shameless opportunist with no convictions whatsoever, in private he displays a rare principled side that most pe... Sad Sack Bullied By Area Goose News in Brief » First Disk Of Rosetta Stone Hungarian Just Urges Listeners To Rethink This Whole Thing 4-Year-Old Shows New Doll The Ropes Man Putting Huge Amount of Pressure on Self To Excel At Completely Meaningless Activity American Voices » Former Spy Telescopes Turned To Space "They should give NASA some wiretaps to listen in on what those asteroids are saying about us." Earhart Died On Pacific Island video » Brooklyn Bridge Opens, Completely Revolutionizes Suicide In Fetid Hellhole Of New York City The Onion reflects on the Johnny Carson’s final Tonight Show with special guest Saddam Hussein, the opening of the Brooklyn Bridge which revolutionized suicide in the hellhole of New York City, and the day Christopher Reeve came in last place in a h... opinion » My Great-Grandfather Started This Business With One Simple Mission That We Abandoned Decades Ago by Jeff Mueller, CEO, DKM Group By Jeff Mueller, CEO, DKM Group Radio News » Local Man Gets Stabbing Right On 47th Try

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 You will receive a mention in an exhaustive New Yorker piece titled "6 Billion To Watch Under 100." Most Popular » My Great-Grandfather Started This Business With One Simple Mission That We Abandoned Decades Ago First Disk Of Rosetta Stone Hungarian Just Urges Listeners To Rethink This Whole Thing Former Spy Telescopes Turned To Space Pretty Lady Playing Hard To Follow Diamond Jubilee Marred By Drunken Queen Elizabeth II Encouraging Guests To Fuck Eighty Percent Of Al-Qaeda No. 2s Now Dead

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