The Onion Daily Dispatch - June 26, 2012

Tue Jun 26, 2012 www.theonion.com

Offbeat Squirrel In Park Garnering Cult Following 11.12.08 News in Brief » Americans Pool Together $945.23 To Counteract Corporate Money's Influence In Politics American Voices » U.S. Facing Helium Shortage “Ah, the hell with balloons anyway. They were useless for getting me well soon.” opinion » I Think I'd Make A Pretty Good HBO Show by 18th-Century France By 18th-Century France Radio News » Love Affair Not Torrid Enough For Area Man

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 Some things only become funny when you look back on them years later. Conversely, the events of next week will seem funny at the time, but as the years go by, society will gain sensitivity and learn to outgrow that sort of thing. Most Popular » Offbeat Squirrel In Park Garnering Cult Following Johnson & Johnson Introduces 'Nothing But Tears' Shampoo To Toughen Up Newborns Woman, Gay Best Friend Go On Another One Of Their Little Adventures Mike Holmgren Finally Admits To Friends That He's Working For Cleveland Browns U.S. Facing Helium Shortage Derek Jeter Admits He Only Plays The Game The Right Way For The Pussy

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