The Onion Daily Dispatch - June 07, 2012

Thu Jun 07, 2012 www.theonion.com

Nude Man Who Locked Self Out Of House Delivers Moving Treatise On Human Condition To Slowly Gathering Crowd 06.07.12 ST. CLOUD, MN—Shortly after discovering he had locked himself out of his suburban home, stark naked 43-year-old claims adjuster David Ronzo began to deliver a stirring and thought-provoking philosophical treatise on the frailty of the human conditio... News in Brief » Man Arrested For Stealing More Than $50,000 In Beards From Hank Williams, Jr. American Voices » Disney Bans Junk Food Ads “I don't like the idea of the corporation that's raising my kid telling me how to raise my kid.” opinion » My Great-Grandfather Started This Business With One Simple Mission That We Abandoned Decades Ago by Jeff Mueller, CEO, DKM Group By Jeff Mueller, CEO, DKM Group Radio News » Local Man Gets Stabbing Right On 47th Try

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 You will receive a mention in an exhaustive New Yorker piece titled "6 Billion To Watch Under 100." Most Popular » Nude Man Who Locked Self Out Of House Delivers Moving Treatise On Human Condition To Slowly Gathering Crowd Disney Bans Junk Food Ads Physicists Discover Our Universe Is Fictional Setting Of Cop Show Called 'Hard Case' Republicans Block Equal Pay Bill Third-Party Cola Demands Ad-Campaign-Finance Reform Ann Romney Says Husband Has Deeply Principled Side No One Ever Sees In Public

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