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Wednesday, January 25, 2012

The Onion Weekly Dispatch - January 25, 2012

The Onion

Romneymania Sweeps America 01.25.12

TAMPA, FL—From coast to coast, town to town, and in nearly every public meeting place and private residence across America, millions have been captivated, inspired, and in some cases moved to tears by presidential candidate Mitt Romney, the former M...

Nation Impressed By Feats Of Very Strong Little Boy

News in Brief »

Frocked Podium Boys Shine In Pre-State-Of-The-Union Rituals

North Korea Returns To Normalcy With Synchronized Disco Jump-Rope Gala

Ron Paul Supporter Likes The Way Paul Tells It Like It Has No Chance Of Being

American Voices »

Obama's State Of The Union

“Yeah! We got bin Laden!”

Giffords To Resign

video »

Tyler Perry Expands His Fan Base With New Films About Sassy, Chinese Grandmother

Tyler Perry has signed a $50 million deal to expand his franchise to include films targeted at the world's 1.4 billion Chinese moviegoers.

opinion »

I'm More Of A Breast Man And Completely Worthless Human Being, Myself

by Jesse Walters

In this world, there are all kinds of chicks—tall ones, short ones, fat ones, skinny ones, even some real ugly ones that my buddy Jeff calls "double baggers"—ha!

Radio News »

ExxonMobil Swears It's Going To Start Taxes Early This Year

featured section: »

Horoscope »

Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19

Your death next week will seem in­explicable until people remember the ill-advised 1985 "cross your heart and hope to die" pledge you made to be best friends with Jenny Bosben.

Most Popular »
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