The Onion Weekly Dispatch - January 25, 2012

Wed Jan 25, 2012 www.theonion.com

Romneymania Sweeps America 01.25.12 TAMPA, FL—From coast to coast, town to town, and in nearly every public meeting place and private residence across America, millions have been captivated, inspired, and in some cases moved to tears by presidential candidate Mitt Romney, the former M... Nation Impressed By Feats Of Very Strong Little Boy News in Brief » Frocked Podium Boys Shine In Pre-State-Of-The-Union Rituals North Korea Returns To Normalcy With Synchronized Disco Jump-Rope Gala Ron Paul Supporter Likes The Way Paul Tells It Like It Has No Chance Of Being American Voices » Obama's State Of The Union “Yeah! We got bin Laden!” Giffords To Resign video » Tyler Perry Expands His Fan Base With New Films About Sassy, Chinese Grandmother Tyler Perry has signed a $50 million deal to expand his franchise to include films targeted at the world's 1.4 billion Chinese moviegoers. opinion » I'm More Of A Breast Man And Completely Worthless Human Being, Myself by Jesse Walters In this world, there are all kinds of chicks—tall ones, short ones, fat ones, skinny ones, even some real ugly ones that my buddy Jeff calls "double baggers"—ha! Radio News » ExxonMobil Swears It's Going To Start Taxes Early This Year

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 Your death next week will seem in­explicable until people remember the ill-advised 1985 "cross your heart and hope to die" pledge you made to be best friends with Jenny Bosben. Most Popular » Romneymania Sweeps America In The Know: Should The Nation's Unemployed Be Buying New Apple Computers? Obama's State Of The Union Nation Impressed By Feats Of Very Strong Little Boy Biden Pins Up Guitar Lesson Flyers On White House Bulletin Board Obama Begins State Of The Union By Asking Congress To Imagine Newt Gingrich Standing Before Them

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