The Onion Daily Dispatch - January 24, 2012

Tue Jan 24, 2012 www.theonion.com

North Korea Returns To Normalcy With Synchronized Disco Jump-Rope Gala 01.24.12 WASHINGTON—In a sign that North Korea is finally returning to normal following the death of Kim Jong-il, the country reportedly held a festive synchronized disco jump-rope gala in Pyongyang's main public square this week. News in Brief » Ron Paul Supporter Likes The Way Paul Tells It Like It Has No Chance Of Being American Voices » Giffords To Resign "I guess getting shot in the head is a lot worse than we all thought." opinion » You'll Never Love Our Amazing Deals On Household Appliances Unless You First Love Yourself by Daniel Stegman, Floor Salesman Good afternoon, there! Let me direct you to our housewares section, where we've slashed prices on kitchen appliances and home furnishings to the bone! Radio News » Women Now Empowered By Everything A Woman Does

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 Jupiter rising in your sign is usually an indicator of prosperous ambitions, but when it just keeps coming right at you, it becomes downright terrifying. Most Popular » North Korea Returns To Normalcy With Synchronized Disco Jump-Rope Gala Giffords To Resign Ron Paul Supporter Likes The Way Paul Tells It Like It Has No Chance Of Being Miranda July Called Before Congress To Explain Exactly What Her Whole Thing Is Joe Paterno Dies In Hospital; Doctors Promise To Tell Their Superiors First Thing Tomorrow Prince Fielder Catching On To Fact That Teams Take Free Agents Out To Dinner A Lot

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