The Onion Daily Dispatch - January 09, 2012

Mon Jan 09, 2012 www.theonion.com

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'Maybe Hang Out In The Water Awhile, Then Look For Some Old Bread,' Duck Tells Self 01.08.12 News in Brief » Mississippi Brings Down Yet Another National Average American Voices » Perry Stays In Race "Well, you can't expect every candidate to be as reasonable as Michele Bachmann." opinion » My Kids Are Learning How To Drive…Me Up The Wall! by Roger Dudek Honk! Honk! Pull over, loyal readers. Pull way over. Keep going. More. To tell you the truth, you better clear the road completely. Radio News » U.S. Gives Up On Trying To Impress England

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 To improve your spiritual health, avoid the myriad temptations of the flesh. This is most easily accomplished by repeating the word "flesh" over and over until it creeps you out. Most Popular » Obama Openly Asks Nation Why On Earth He Would Want To Serve For Another Term All Of Area Man's Hard Work Finally Pays Off For Employer The Week In Pictures Stoner Architect Drafts All-Foyer Mansion Man Who Said 'Yes' To Life Found With Mountain Bike At Bottom Of Gorge 'Maybe Hang Out In The Water Awhile, Then Look For Some Old Bread,' Duck Tells Self

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