The Onion Daily Dispatch - June 09, 2011

Thu Jun 09, 2011 www.theonion.com

Pakistani Intelligence Announces Its Full Cooperation With U.S. Forces During Upcoming Top Secret June 12 Drone Strike On Al-Qaeda At 5:23 A.M. Near Small Town Of Razmani In North Waziristan 06.09.11 ISLAMABAD—Pakistan's Inter-Services Intelligence agency restated Thursday its commitment to the fight against terrorism, pledging full cooperation with U.S. News in Brief » Senile Senator Allowed To Believe He Solved Immigration Crisis American Voices » GM CEO Suggests Additional $1 Gas Tax "Well, if GM's top leadership is on board, then so am I. They never make woefully self-interested, shortsighted, or commercially unsuccessful decisions." opinion » I Just Want To Say That I Hated Every Moment Of That Piece-Of-Shit Show by Oprah Winfrey Wow, I guess that's it. It's hard to believe that after pouring my heart and soul into that show for 25 years, I'll never tape another episode, sit down with another guest, or connect with another fan again. Radio News » Nation In Love With Girl From Record Store

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