The Onion Daily Dispatch - November 23, 2012

Fri Nov 23, 2012 www.theonion.com

20,000 Sacrificed In Annual Blood Offering To Corporate America 11.29.10 WILMINGTON, DE—The nation looked on in reverence Friday as 20,000 citizens were decapitated, dismembered, and burned alive in the name of Corporate America, continuing the age-old annual rite to ensure bounteous profits in the coming fiscal year. News in Brief » BREAKING: Cousin Mark Coming After All American Voices » Americans Celebrate Thanksgiving “My three beautiful hostages.” opinion » Come On, Just Open The Door And Let Me In This Once by A Raccoon By A Raccoon Radio News » Raccoon Leaders Call For Loosening Of Garbage-Can Lids

featured section: » Letters To The Editor » Dear The Onion, You know who’s an underrated actor? I’m making a list, but I don’t have any names yet. — Dietrich Brandt, Eugene, OR Most Popular » Area Man Sneaks Own Balloon Into Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade 20,000 Sacrificed In Annual Blood Offering To Corporate America The Onion's Guide To Hosting A Perfect Thanksgiving 26-Year-Old To See Every Asshole He Ever Went To High School With On Night Before Thanksgiving I Won't Have My Daughter Bringing A Black Man Into This House Until I've Tidied Up And Created A Welcoming Environment Grandson Has Long Hair

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