The Onion Weekly Dispatch - August 15, 2012

Wed Aug 15, 2012 www.theonion.com

Ryan Begins Attacking Romney's Record As Massachusetts Governor 08.15.12 DENVER—Displaying the tough no-nonsense talk and firm commitment to conservative principles that led to his selection as the Republican vice presidential candidate, Rep. Focus: Who Is Paul Ryan? News in Brief » Paul Ryan Wondering If He Should Have Told Romney About This Guy He's Dating Jennifer Aniston Engaged To Guy Who Frankly Will Never Replace Brad Your Republican Friend To Explain Why Paul Ryan Is Great Choice American Voices » Luxury Cars Fail Crash Test “Yeah, but just think how impressed the EMTs will be.” Beyoncé Sings At U.N. video » Panama Canal Opens After Going Over Budget By 10,000 Dead Laborers The Onion looks back at the romantic summer evening Pol Pot was conceived, the Panama Canal going over budget by 10,000 dead laborers, and the Beatles playing to 60,000 fans at Shea Stadium in a huge gig opening for the Mamas and the Papas. opinion » Admit It, I Scare The Ever-Loving Shit Out Of You, Don't I? by Paul Ryan, Candidate for Vice President of the United States By Paul Ryan Radio News » God Worried Apocalypse May Not Live Up To Expectations

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 Four will be killed, 12 injured, and nearly 50 molested this week after your unconscious escapes. Most Popular » Ryan Begins Attacking Romney's Record As Massachusetts Governor Admit It, I Scare The Ever-Loving Shit Out Of You, Don't I? Coworker With Two Computer Screens Not Fucking Around Paul Ryan Wondering If He Should Have Told Romney About This Guy He's Dating Fuck, Roommates Want To Have Meeting Christian Porn Film Climaxes With Birth Of Child

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