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Wednesday, August 15, 2012

The Onion Weekly Dispatch - August 15, 2012

The Onion

Ryan Begins Attacking Romney's Record As Massachusetts Governor 08.15.12

DENVER—Displaying the tough no-nonsense talk and firm commitment to conservative principles that led to his selection as the Republican vice presidential candidate, Rep.

Focus: Who Is Paul Ryan?

News in Brief »

Paul Ryan Wondering If He Should Have Told Romney About This Guy He's Dating

Jennifer Aniston Engaged To Guy Who Frankly Will Never Replace Brad

Your Republican Friend To Explain Why Paul Ryan Is Great Choice

American Voices »

Luxury Cars Fail Crash Test

“Yeah, but just think how impressed the EMTs will be.”

Beyoncé Sings At U.N.

video »

Panama Canal Opens After Going Over Budget By 10,000 Dead Laborers

The Onion looks back at the romantic summer evening Pol Pot was conceived, the Panama Canal going over budget by 10,000 dead laborers, and the Beatles playing to 60,000 fans at Shea Stadium in a huge gig opening for the Mamas and the Papas.

opinion »

Admit It, I Scare The Ever-Loving Shit Out Of You, Don't I?

by Paul Ryan, Candidate for Vice President of the United States

By Paul Ryan

Radio News »

God Worried Apocalypse May Not Live Up To Expectations

featured section: »

Horoscope »

Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19

Four will be killed, 12 injured, and nearly 50 molested this week after your unconscious escapes.

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