The Onion Daily Dispatch - August 20, 2012

Mon Aug 20, 2012 www.theonion.com

College Roommates To Continue Bonding Process Until Real Friends Made 08.20.12 BOSTON—Sources at Boston University's Shelton Hall reported Monday that freshmen Paul Seltzer and Michael Thiru will continue building a rapport with each other until one of them has found a group of real friends, after which the randomly paired roo... News in Brief » Croatian Prime Minister Currently Stuck Under Pile Of Turnips American Voices » Wal-Mart's International Growth Falters "Ha! I knew they couldn't compete with the worker exploitation standards of the global market." opinion » It Would Be An Honor To Serve My Country, Return With PTSD, Sit On A Mental Health Care Waitlist, Then Kill Myself by U.S. Army Pfc. Edwin Quinones By U.S. Army Pfc. Edwin Quinones Radio News » U.S. Department Of Corruption Denies Right-Doing

featured section: » Letters To The Editor » Dear The Onion, I'm having a real hard time today, and I just wanted millions of people to know. Thanks. — Bill Daniels, Belmont, MA Most Popular » College Roommates To Continue Bonding Process Until Real Friends Made Ground Emerges As Tim Tebow's Favorite Target Wal-Mart's International Growth Falters Woman Has Bizarre Ability To Share Details About Personal Life With Parents Coworker With Two Computer Screens Not Fucking Around Brian Urlacher Confident He'll Be Ready To Sit Out Opener

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