Onion Video Dispatch - January 24, 2012

Tue Jan 24, 2012 www.theonion.com

Today Now! Provides Grieving Widower With Miniature Therapy Horse 01.24.12 Jim and Tracy partner with the "Bridles of Hope" charity to replace the wife Don Groton lost to a drunk driver with a beautiful miniature horse. WATCH NOW » Featured Videos 2011 In Review: Nation Shocked To Find Out Elizabeth Taylor Wasn't Already Dead WATCH NOW » Snake Gets Tattoo Of Dude On Its Face WATCH NOW » If you do not want to receive anymore emails from us, please click the following link unsubscribe. To unsubscribe via postal mail please send your request to: 536 Broadway New York NY, 10012 Please include the email address at which you have been contacted. All of our emails are sent from the domain http://www.theonion.com.

If you do not want to receive anymore emails from us, please click the following link unsubscribe. To unsubscribe via postal mail please send your request to: 536 Broadway New York NY, 10012 Please include the email address at which you have been contacted. All of our emails are sent from the domain http://www.theonion.com.

Technology Report: Analysis: New EU data laws command the tide but not the cost

If you are having trouble viewing this email or would like to view it in your web browser, CLICK HERE
	01/24/2012
Good afternoon Apple's fiscal first-quarter results blew past Wall Street expectations, fueled by robust holiday sales of its iPhones and iPads. Apple sold 37.04 million iPhones and 15.43 million iPad tablets, outpacing already heightened expectations for a strong holiday season. Sales of iPhones and iPads more than doubled from a year ago. Revenue leapt 73 percent to $46.33 billion, handily beating the average Wall Street analyst estimate of $38.91 billion, according to Thomson Reuters I/B/E/S. Apple reported a net profit of $13.06 billion, or $13.87 a share. Analysts had expected Apple to earn $10.16 per share. "This is all about innovation, you have to out-innovate and delight the customer. Apple is the only company that knows how to do that. The guidance is phenomenal," said Trip Chowdry at Global Equities Research. Yahoo's net revenue and profit fell slightly in the fourth quarter, the struggling Internet company's last quarter before new Chief Executive Scott Thompson took the reins. Yahoo said it earned $296 million in net income in the three months ended Dec. 31, or 24 cents a share, compared with $312 million, or 24 cents a share, in the year-ago period. Yahoo, which fired former CEO Carol Bartz in September and appointed Thompson in January, projected that its net revenue in the first quarter would range between $1.025 billion and $1.105 billion. A Dutch appeals court dismissed Apple's appeal to have Samsung tablets banned in the Netherlands, confirming a Dutch lower court's ruling. Apple and Samsung have been suing one another as the two technology giants jostle for the top spot in the booming smartphone and tablet markets. Verizon may miss analyst expectations for 2012 earnings after posting disappointing fourth quarter results as it was hurt by hefty subsidies for the Apple's iPhone. The company reported a fourth-quarter net loss of $2.02 billion, or 71 cents per share, compared with a profit of $2.64 billion, or 93 cents a share, a year earlier. About one in five workers around the globe, particularly employees in the Middle East, Latin America and Asia, telecommute frequently and nearly 10 percent work from home every day, according to a new Ipsos/Reuters poll. Telecommuting is particularly popular in India where more than half of workers were most likely to be toiling from home, followed by 34 percent in Indonesia, 30 percent in Mexico and slightly less in Argentina, South Africa and Turkey. But the job option is the least popular in Hungary, Germany, Sweden, France, Italy and Canada, where less than 10 percent of people work from home.  Despite the obvious benefits of telecommuting, 62 percent of people said they found it socially isolating and half thought that the daily lack of face-to-face contact could harm their chances of a promotion. LATEST NEWS Analysis: New EU data laws command the tide but not the cost January 24, 2012 01:02 PM ET MUNICH (Reuters) - New data-protection proposals from the European Union to help people regain control of personal information from sites like Facebook could prove as effective as commanding the tide, while hurting small firms and Web giants alike. | Full Article Netflix glad 2011 over but 2012 may mean more pain January 24, 2012 10:07 AM ET LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Netflix Inc probably would like nothing better than to put 2011 behind it. But 2012 may be no walk in the park either. | Full Article Flamboyant online tycoon kept low profile in rural NZ January 24, 2012 07:29 AM ET COATESVILLE, New Zealand (Reuters) - Megaupload founder Kim Dotcom's online profile was larger-than-life, with fast women, faster cars and chartered planes, yet he lived like a virtual recluse in a sprawling, manicured estate on the outskirts of New Zealand's biggest city, Auckland. | Full Article Entrepreneurs bring Internet coding skills to everyday users January 24, 2012 03:24 PM ET CHICAGO (Reuters) - Not too long ago, Web coding was the rarified realm of computer geeks, but a new crop of entrepreneurs is making this valuable computer skill available to just about anyone with an inclination to learn. | Full Article Chipmakers' forecasts prompt fears of Nokia slump January 24, 2012 06:05 AM ET HELSINKI (Reuters) - Weak quarterly reports from Nokia's chipset suppliers prompted fears of a sales slump in the Finnish company's older smartphones, sending its shares 8 percent lower on Tuesday. | Full Article BUSINESS NEWS Nasdaq 100 index futures up after Apple January 24, 2012 04:53 PM ET NEW YORK (Reuters) - Nasdaq 100 index futures rose late on Tuesday after Apple Inc reported quarterly profit and revenue that surpassed Wall Street expectations. | Full Article Europe poses global recession threat: IMF January 24, 2012 02:43 PM ET WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Europe's debt crisis could tip the world economy into recession and a bigger firewall is urgently needed to keep the damage from spreading, the International Monetary Fund said on Tuesday. | Full Article U.S. growth solid in fourth quarter, pace seen slowing January 24, 2012 05:00 PM ET WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The U.S. economy appears to have shaken off the gloom from Europe's debt crisis in the fourth quarter, pushing ahead at what was likely its fastest pace in nearly two years. | Full Article S&P says likely to declare Greece in default January 24, 2012 04:55 PM ET NEW YORK (Reuters) - Standard & Poor's will likely downgrade Greece's ratings to "selective default" when the country concludes its debt restructuring, but that will not necessarily destroy the credibility of the European Union, an official with the ratings agency said on Tuesday. | Full Article Greek creditors urge quick deal after eurozone January 24, 2012 03:23 PM ET ZURICH/ATHENS (Reuters) - Greece's private creditors pleaded on Tuesday with European officials who rejected their bond swap offer to hammer together a deal before Athens tumbles into a chaotic default. | Full Article U.S. TOP NEWS Gingrich wants to hear his debate fans roar Obama to contrast tax inequality in State of the Union Romney returns show low tax rate; questions linger $5 here, $37 there: Americans' indulgences add up London's Big Ben is leaning, parliament sinking: reports RELATED VIDEO UK teen's app creates stir BlackBerry bosses step down BlackBerry- turnaround or takeover? A daily digest of breaking business news, coverage of the US economy, major corporate news and the financial markets. Register Today. Your daily briefing on the latest tech developments from around the world from Reuters expert tech correspondents. Register Today. The latest Reuters articles on M&A, IPOs, private equity, hedge funds and regulatory updates delivered to your inbox each day.. Register Today. » MORE NEWSLETTERS ODDLY ENOUGH Greece publishes tax dodger list to name and shame Full Article - 3 Times Square New York, NY 10036 USA © Copyright 2010 Thomson Reuters Ensure delivery of Reuters Newsmails, add mail@nl.reuters.com to your address book. Details Subscribe to other Reuters newsletters. Unsubscribe from this newsletter. Follow us on Twitter Friend us on Facebook Forward to a friend

Cheat Sheet - 11 Oscar Snubs and Surprises

Today: IMF: Europe a Recession Threat, Obama to Push for Tax Reform, FBI Arrests Police for Racial Profiling January 24, 2012 NOMINATED 1. 11 Oscar Snubs and Surprises From big names left off the list—Spielberg, DiCaprio—to upset contenders like Bridesmaids’ Melissa McCarthy, The Daily Beast’s Jacob Bernstein runs down the most unexpected news from the nominations. Read it at The Daily Beast DOWNER 2. IMF: Europe a Recession Threat Just as the U.S. starts to see stronger signs of recovery, the International Monetary Fund warns that the global economy isn’t out of the storm yet. The IMF sliced its global growth forecast from 4 percent to 3.3 percent and warned that Europe’s debt crisis continues to threaten a worldwide recession. Economic activity in advanced economies is expected to expand by a sluggish 1.5 percent, not enough to bring down high unemployment rates. Read it at Reuters SOTU 3. Obama to Push for Tax Reform As the country is focused on millionaire Mitt Romney’s very low tax rate, President Obama is preparing to use his State of the Union address to argue for “tax fairness.” On the television circuit Tuesday morning, senior advisor David Plouffe touted the need for reform. "We want to reward wealth and prosperity and success. But if we're going to move forward as a country, reduce our deficit, invest in things like manufacturing and education, how are we going to pay for it?" he said on NBC’s Today show. Obama has called the proposal the “Buffett Rule,” referring to billionaire Warren Buffett’s argument that he should pay a higher tax rate than his secretary. Buffett’s secretary, Debbie Bosanek, will sit in the House gallery during the speech as a guest of the first lady. Read it at Los Angeles Times SHAMEFUL 4. FBI Arrests Police for Racial Profiling The FBI has arrested three police officers and a sergeant in East Haven, Conn., amid widespread allegations that their department treated racial minorities unfairly. The department has been under investigation after myriad accusations that police harassed Hispanic residents with false arrests and predatory traffic stops. The officers were charged with deprivation of rights, conspiracy against rights, and obstruction. The Justice Department said in a report that the officers had deliberately targeted Latinos for harassment and that there were “serious deficiencies” in the way the East Haven department was run. Read it at NBC Connecticut COSTA CONCORDIA 5. 16th Body Found in Shipwreck Italian divers found another body in the wreckage of the submerged cruise ship, the Costa Concordia, on Tuesday, bringing the official death toll up to 16. The body was found on the third-floor deck, and officials did not confirm the reports in Italian media that the body was a woman. Divers found the body as a large platform carrying a crane and other equipment hitched itself to the shipwreck as part of a preliminary operation to remove 500,000 gallons of fuel from the ship’s tank to prevent environmental disaster. Actual pumping of the fuel will begin on Saturday, in tandem with search and rescue operations. Seventeen passengers and crew members have yet to be accounted for. Read it at Associated Press On A Mission Romney Offers $1M for Newt Docs Freddie Mac contracts missing. NEXT OPRAH? WikiLeaks to Launch TV Show Julian Assange to interview “controversial voices.” DEADLY Yosemite Rockslide Kills Park Worker Key route into park closed. FRENEMIES Palin: Christie Made ‘Rookie Mistake’ When he called Gingrich “an embarrassment.” SURPRISE! Pork Can Stop Nosebleeds According to new study. GET The Cheat Sheet A speedy, smart summary of news and must-reads from across the Web. You'll love the featured original stories on politics, entertainment, and more from The Daily Beast's diverse group of contributors. GET The Yes List Weekly cultural recommendations from The Daily Beast. George Soros on the Coming U.S. Class War by John Arlidge The Right Way to Tax Mitt Romney, Part 2 by David Frum 2012 Oscar Noms: Instant Reaction by The Daily Beast

ABOUT US | CONTACT US | SUBSCRIBE Copyright 2011 The Newsweek/Daily Beast Company LLC 555 W. 18th Street , New York NY 10011 Privacy Policy

If you are on a mobile device or cannot view the images in this message, click here to view this email in your Web browser. To ensure delivery of these emails, please add thedailybeast@e2.thedailybeast.com to your address book. If you have changed your mind and no longer wish to receive these emails, or think you have received this message in error, you can safely unsubscribe here.